tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4731730367267270182024-02-07T21:17:38.977-08:00Brisbane christian fellow shipexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-90580573117670550072013-02-21T06:44:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:05.747-07:00A Compendium of Spiritual Abuse ResourcesHere is an annotated list of top sites on spiritual abuse.<br />The list is organized into eight sections:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#mechanism">Resources on the mechanism of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#healthy">Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#spiritual">Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#recovery">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#books">Books on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#blogs">Blogs on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#video">Video resources</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#stories">Stories of spiritual abuse</a></li></ul><br />If you wonder if your church is spiritually abusive, or if you suspect church leaders are engaging in cult-like practices, or if you think authoritarian power structures are in place at your church, this site can direct you to helpful sources. <br />Perhaps you are just wondering if your church is moving in a dangerous direction. Many sources linked here can help you determine that, too. Many sources on spiritual abuse are scattered throughout the Internet. Here, we've tried to gather the best ones into one place - to make searching easier.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.)<br /><br /><span id="mechanism" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This site is brimming with great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs </a>is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastor), but in followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. Initially, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with something that some authors here have called "love bombing" a technique that on the surface seems like love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can appear genuine and heartfelt for a time. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br /><br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> The pages on<a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.urbanchange.net/articles.asp?articleID=10&title=Authoritarianism">authoritarianism</a> are excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br />A pastor who gets it! <a href="http://blogs.christianpost.com/smallpreacher-biggod/spiritual-abuse-shepherds-ruling-like-royalty-8803/">This Vineyard pastor, on a post called Spiritual Abuse: Shepherds ruling like royalty, </a> identifies several manifestations of spiritual abuse<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br />Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic <i>Churches that Abuse</i> (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual <i>experiences </i></li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called <i>In Sheep's Clothin</i>g by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_306286242"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/">Apologetics Index</a> quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.csj.org/studyindex/studymindctr/study_mindctr_singer.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath</li></ul><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span id="healthy" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview.<br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">What Really Matters blog</a> shares <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">a list of what's healthy and what's not</a> in this easy-to-read comparative list. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.</li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><span id="spiritual" style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1404099112"><br /></a><br />To be a good Christian, must you always trust your pastor? <a href="http://fiftyhours.com/?p=745">This Calvary Chapel response site post, called Fatalistic Faith</a>, likens unaccountable pastors' claims that you aren't exercising faith when you demand accountability, to Satan's temptation of Christ. Throw yourself off the temple and He will catch you, says the tempter. Simply throw yourself into the judgment of your leaders and God will protect you, say unaccountable church authorities.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-do-you-study-bible-after-someone.html">How do you study the Bible after someone has bludgeoned you with it?</a> This post on the essential blog <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under More Grace</a> discusses the problem many have coming out of abusive churches in approaching scripture. The author discusses the difficulty she had and how she dealt with it, and she includes links to many useful sites as well. She also gives helpful suggestions on how to relate to scripture when it stops speaking to you as it used to.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.aberdeennews.com/opinion/aan-4a.06-09-11.ed.column.marmorst-20110609,0,4938092.story">This article</a>, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a>http://books.google.com/books?id=o-ZkMPJYWOkC&pg=PA55&lpg=PA55&dq=twisted+scriptures+Mary+Alice+unlimited&source=bl&ots=Z9bax3f_sz&sig=35f_3FKV0Ojvq8HhubNIPM1zGkQ&hl=en&ei=C-tTTojHB_GlsQKn_fiLBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false">Unlimited authority from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span id="recovery" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br />Getting your identity back after spiritual abuse:<a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_005.html"> This article, Spiritual Identity Crisis,</a> again from churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulty victims have after years of treating pastors as divine beings. "<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">This void (or identity crisis) is most likely the result of allowing our identity to be stolen away when we were involved in the group, and then being forced to manage our own identity again when the group/leader is no longer in our lives." You might not think you need to read this article immediately after escaping from a spiritually damaging group, but if you come back to it later, you can realize how helpful it is in connecting the dots and helping you get your life back together.</span><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?</li><li> </li></ul><b>Who is most likely to help someone get out of spiritually abusive situations?</b> <a href="http://bgbcsurvivors.blogspot.com/2012/10/instrumental-voices-in-leaving-abusive.html">This blog entry at BGBC Survivors Blog</a> includes some very helpful suggestions for those with friends or family stuck in an abusive church. Here are some highlights, but click on the link above for the detailed post. Who is most helpful in getting you out of an unhealthy church?<br /><br />1, People who knew you before you got involved in the abusive group. (That might not help if you grew up in an abusive church, but for those who entered later in life, it definitely is.)<br />2. Healthy Christians who treat you with respect, even when your elitism is insulting to them.<br />3. Those who have left an abusive church and can talk freely about it without "rancor, resentment or vengeance."<br /> <br /><br /><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/2011/06/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html">The Agony of Seeing Spiritual Abuse as it Really Is</a>: This post uses a comment from a Harold Camping follower on a forum to investigate the roller-coaster-like nature spiritual abuse in action. Here, you can see that spiritual abuse victims are torn between defending the abuser or former leader and castigating him as they come out of the influence of the group. <br /><ul></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span id="books" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. There is an opportunity to donate if you find the resource helpful. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>.<br />A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a chase for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Crooked-Cross-Journey-Religious-ebook/dp/B0073NQBXC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328624656&sr=8-1">Crooked Cross: A Journey Out of Religious Abuse</a> by Willow is one example of a growing genre of books I'll call "spiritual abuse memoirs." These personal stories can be helpful for others, even if their situation doesn't closely resemble that of the protagonist, because some spiritually abusive traits are common, though the harshness level or surrounding circumstances differ. A reader can recognize familiar tactics and see what extremes unaccountable or elitist pastors are capable of. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span id="blogs" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse<span style="font-family: arial;">:</span></span> <br />Blogs on spiritual abuse tend to come and go. The intensity required for confronting pain and abuse is difficult for individuals to manage over long periods of time. Still, even old blogs on the subject can be helpful. And some blogs stick around for a long time.<br /><br /><a href="http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/about/">Spiritual Sounding Board</a> is a relatively new blog started by Julie Anne Smith a woman sued by her former Oregon church for writing online reviews critical of church practices. She won. If you want information on current happenings in the word of abusive churches, this is a good resource.<br /><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />If you don't read any other blog on spiritual abuse, make sure to read these two companion blogs. Under Much Grace and <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> are THE most detailed and researched sites on spiritual abuse. The author, Cindy Kunsmun, shares her own experience and years of intelligent research and understanding. It is the groundbreaking blog on the subject.<br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> includes parts of Cindy's testimony and a wonderful treatment of her attempt to recover after being out of the abusive church. Her story is replete with helpful links as well.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation.<br />The analysis in some of these articles is excellent. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit.<br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/">Religious Cults Info</a> is a blog looking particularly at a cult-like group in North Carolina, the Word of Faith Fellowship. It includes many worthwhile links, stories of abuse in that Fellowship and other like groups. The site demonstrates how some abusive church leaders exercise control even into the most personal areas of member's lives (like how to roll and fold toilet paper!) Well worth a look. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)</li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> <strike>is</strike> was an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse. (Unfortunately, someone got to the site and redirected it, and it now opens a ton of pop-up windows and may be a malicious site. Not sure how it happened, but I have a guess. In any case, I'll be looking to see if there is a new site and will restore a link when I find one.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span id="video" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">LINKS TO STORIES OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/cult-survivor-relives-history-of-servitude-20100319-qkxl.html">She had to choose between church or daughter</a><br /><a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-story.html">This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery</a><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2010/02/the-toilet-paper-revelation/">This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job</a> Also, <a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2011/07/don%E2%80%99t-smash-those-pennies/comment-page-1/#comment-6143">edicts on not smashing pennies!</a><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.</a><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/about1053-streetcar.html">The man behind the curtain</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.pajamapages.com/?p=3780">Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/waste.htm">Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years</a><br /><br /><a href="http://soullibertyfaith.com/?p=816">Holey coverups</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mycultlife.com/about-lisa/my-story/">Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group</a><br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/">A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/">This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse</a><a href="http://bcf-ourstories.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&updated-max=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&max-results=46"><br /><br /></a><a href="http://caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/destruct.htm">This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.religionnewsblog.com/9613/parents-of-mother-who-killed-baby-criticize-pastors-influence">Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/people/8429.html">College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/experiences.html">Many, many stories mostly from UPC members</a><br /><br /><a href="http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/07/30/peril-in-the-kingdom/">An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.momlogic.com/2009/08/my_husband_assaulted_me_my_church_took_his_side_saddleback_church_rick_warren.php">When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further</a><br /><br /><a href="http://laurasullivantsterkmylifeunchained.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-first-day.html">Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/true-and-false-humility.html">When humility is not humility</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/reason.htm">After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD</a><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/viewtopic.php?t=453&mforum=streetcar">His family chose the elders and shunned him</a>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-17114231593378719082013-02-20T17:59:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:05.761-07:00Spiritual abuse awareness<a href="http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/">Spiritual Soundingboard Blog</a> is gearing up to "blow the bullhorn" on a spiritually abusive situation. Another blogger, exposing abuse of his pastor/stepfather in California, is being sued by his parents for defamation. His account lists both spiritual abuse and child abuse.<br /><br />Because it's important for voices against spiritual abuse not to be punished for speaking out, Provender blog provides the following links:<br /><br /><a href="http://calvarychapelabuse.com/wordpress/?p=1486">Brutal is...</a><br /><br /><a href="http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/02/19/calvary-chapel-visalia-lawsuit-local-news-article-court-declaration/">Spiritual Soundingboard </a>on the California abuse lawsuit <br /><a href="http://calvarychapelabuse.com/wordpress/?m=201007"><br /></a><a href="http://calvarychapelabuse.com/wordpress/?m=201007">Like being raped by them all</a>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-63261396749180855542012-02-06T17:47:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:05.768-07:00Top spiritual abuse resourcesHere is an annotated list of top sites on spiritual abuse.<br />The list is organized into eight sections:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#mechanism">Resources on the mechanism of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#healthy">Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#spiritual">Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#recovery">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#books">Books on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#blogs">Blogs on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#video">Video resources</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#stories">Stories of spiritual abuse</a></li></ul><br />If you wonder if your church is spiritually abusive, or if you suspect church leaders are engaging in cult-like practices, or if you think authoritarian power structures are in place at your church, this site can direct you to helpful sources. <br />Perhaps you are just wondering if your church is moving in a dangerous direction. Many sources linked here can help you determine that, too. Many sources on spiritual abuse are scattered throughout the Internet. Here, we've tried to gather the best ones into one place - to make searching easier.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.)<br /><br /><span id="mechanism" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This site is brimming with great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs </a>is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastor), but in followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. Initially, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with something that some authors here have called "love bombing" a technique that on the surface seems like love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can appear genuine and heartfelt for a time. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br /><br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> The pages on<a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.urbanchange.net/articles.asp?articleID=10&title=Authoritarianism">authoritarianism</a> are excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br />A pastor who gets it! <a href="http://blogs.christianpost.com/smallpreacher-biggod/spiritual-abuse-shepherds-ruling-like-royalty-8803/">This Vineyard pastor, on a post called Spiritual Abuse: Shepherds ruling like royalty, </a> identifies several manifestations of spiritual abuse<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br />Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic <i>Churches that Abuse</i> (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual <i>experiences </i></li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called <i>In Sheep's Clothin</i>g by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_306286242"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/">Apologetics Index</a> quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.csj.org/studyindex/studymindctr/study_mindctr_singer.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath</li></ul><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span id="healthy" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview.<br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">What Really Matters blog</a> shares <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">a list of what's healthy and what's not</a> in this easy-to-read comparative list. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.</li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><span id="spiritual" style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1404099112"><br /></a><br />To be a good Christian, must you always trust your pastor? <a href="http://fiftyhours.com/?p=745">This Calvary Chapel response site post, called Fatalistic Faith</a>, likens unaccountable pastors' claims that you aren't exercising faith when you demand accountability, to Satan's temptation of Christ. Throw yourself off the temple and He will catch you, says the tempter. Simply throw yourself into the judgment of your leaders and God will protect you, say unaccountable church authorities.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-do-you-study-bible-after-someone.html">How do you study the Bible after someone has bludgeoned you with it?</a> This post on the essential blog <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under More Grace</a> discusses the problem many have coming out of abusive churches in approaching scripture. The author discusses the difficulty she had and how she dealt with it, and she includes links to many useful sites as well. She also gives helpful suggestions on how to relate to scripture when it stops speaking to you as it used to.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.aberdeennews.com/opinion/aan-4a.06-09-11.ed.column.marmorst-20110609,0,4938092.story">This article</a>, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a>http://books.google.com/books?id=o-ZkMPJYWOkC&pg=PA55&lpg=PA55&dq=twisted+scriptures+Mary+Alice+unlimited&source=bl&ots=Z9bax3f_sz&sig=35f_3FKV0Ojvq8HhubNIPM1zGkQ&hl=en&ei=C-tTTojHB_GlsQKn_fiLBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false">Unlimited authority from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span id="recovery" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br />Getting your identity back after spiritual abuse:<a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_005.html"> This article, Spiritual Identity Crisis,</a> again from churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulty victims have after years of treating pastors as divine beings. "<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">This void (or identity crisis) is most likely the result of allowing our identity to be stolen away when we were involved in the group, and then being forced to manage our own identity again when the group/leader is no longer in our lives." You might not think you need to read this article immediately after escaping from a spiritually damaging group, but if you come back to it later, you can realize how helpful it is in connecting the dots and helping you get your life back together.</span><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?</li><li> </li></ul><b>Who is most likely to help someone get out of spiritually abusive situations?</b> <a href="http://bgbcsurvivors.blogspot.com/2012/10/instrumental-voices-in-leaving-abusive.html">This blog entry at BGBC Survivors Blog</a> includes some very helpful suggestions for those with friends or family stuck in an abusive church. Here are some highlights, but click on the link above for the detailed post. Who is most helpful in getting you out of an unhealthy church?<br /><br />1, People who knew you before you got involved in the abusive group. (That might not help if you grew up in an abusive church, but for those who entered later in life, it definitely is.)<br />2. Healthy Christians who treat you with respect, even when your elitism is insulting to them.<br />3. Those who have left an abusive church and can talk freely about it without "rancor, resentment or vengeance."<br /> <br /><br /><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/2011/06/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html">The Agony of Seeing Spiritual Abuse as it Really Is</a>: This post uses a comment from a Harold Camping follower on a forum to investigate the roller-coaster-like nature spiritual abuse in action. Here, you can see that spiritual abuse victims are torn between defending the abuser or former leader and castigating him as they come out of the influence of the group. <br /><ul></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span id="books" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>.<br />A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a chase for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Crooked-Cross-Journey-Religious-ebook/dp/B0073NQBXC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328624656&sr=8-1">Crooked Cross: A Journey Out of Religious Abuse</a> by Willow is one example of a growing genre of books I'll call "spiritual abuse memoirs." These personal stories can be helpful for others, even if their situation doesn't closely resemble that of the protagonist, because some spiritually abusive traits are common, though the harshness level or surrounding circumstances differ. A reader can recognize familiar tactics and see what extremes unaccountable or elitist pastors are capable of. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span id="blogs" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />If you don't read any other blog on spiritual abuse, make sure to read these two companion blogs. Under Much Grace and <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> are THE most detailed and researched sites on spiritual abuse. The author, Cindy Kunsmun, shares her own experience and years of intelligent research and understanding. It is the groundbreaking blog on the subject.<br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> includes parts of Cindy's testimony and a wonderful treatment of her attempt to recover after being out of the abusive church. Her story is replete with helpful links as well.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation.<br />The analysis in some of these articles is excellent. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit.<br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/">Religious Cults Info</a> is a blog looking particularly at a cult-like group in North Carolina, the Word of Faith Fellowship. It includes many worthwhile links, stories of abuse in that Fellowship and other like groups. The site demonstrates how some abusive church leaders exercise control even into the most personal areas of member's lives (like how to roll and fold toilet paper!) Well worth a look. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)</li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> <strike>is</strike> was an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse. (Unfortunately, someone got to the site and redirected it, and it now opens a ton of pop-up windows and may be a malicious site. Not sure how it happened, but I have a guess. In any case, I'll be looking to see if there is a new site and will restore a link when I find one.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span id="video" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span id="stories" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">LINKS TO STORIES OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/cult-survivor-relives-history-of-servitude-20100319-qkxl.html">She had to choose between church or daughter</a><br /><br /><a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-story.html">This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery</a><br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2010/02/the-toilet-paper-revelation/">This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job</a> Also, <a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2011/07/don%E2%80%99t-smash-those-pennies/comment-page-1/#comment-6143">edicts on not smashing pennies!</a><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.</a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/about1053-streetcar.html">The man behind the curtain</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.pajamapages.com/?p=3780">Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/waste.htm">Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years</a><br /><br /><a href="http://soullibertyfaith.com/?p=816">Holey coverups</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mycultlife.com/about-lisa/my-story/">Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group</a><br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/">A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/">This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse</a><a href="http://bcf-ourstories.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&updated-max=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&max-results=46"><br /><br /></a><a href="http://caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/destruct.htm">This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.religionnewsblog.com/9613/parents-of-mother-who-killed-baby-criticize-pastors-influence">Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/people/8429.html">College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/experiences.html">Many, many stories mostly from UPC members</a><br /><br /><a href="http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/07/30/peril-in-the-kingdom/">An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.momlogic.com/2009/08/my_husband_assaulted_me_my_church_took_his_side_saddleback_church_rick_warren.php">When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further</a><br /><br /><a href="http://laurasullivantsterkmylifeunchained.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-first-day.html">Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/true-and-false-humility.html">When humility is not humility</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/reason.htm">After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD</a><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/viewtopic.php?t=453&mforum=streetcar">His family chose the elders and shunned him</a>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-30022860643012393712012-02-03T16:23:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:05.783-07:00A new book on spiritual abuse: The Crooked Cross by Willow<div class="MsoNormal">The Crooked Cross, by anonymous author Willow, is a compelling account of one woman’s dealings with a series of heart-rending situations involving spiritually abusive people and groups.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The book details the cruel treatment of an ultra-perfectionist and increasingly fervid father, who seems to be heading off the deep end; church members who use scripture and personal revelation to enslave, torment and crush her; a sadistic fiancé who would have destroyed her; and later, a paranoid, survivalist husband who blames her, starves her and stalks her.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The book is divided into twenty-eight short chapters, and almost all of them are gripping. The narration is smooth, and the writing intelligent and clear. Even after the first chapter or two, the reader might ask, “How could it get any worse?” and then it does.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Willow details her early submissive nature and the extreme behavior codes and practices of the fundamentalist church in which she grew up. She began attending a church that was “less strict” when she hit third grade, and you think, “Good!” But a pattern repeats in the book, and it is this: Whenever you think things are getting better, something worse happens.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Her father’s perfectionism gives her an eating disorder, and he encourages it! The less strict church suggests exorcism! She’s lonely, a man shows up. You think, “Great! Someone to save her!” and he turns out to be a terrible, sadistic creep. She reconnects with an old friend and he turns out to be an alcoholic. Every time there is a moment of relief, it is quickly overshadowed with yet another danger.</div><div class="MsoNormal">This building tension makes for a great narrative -- but a horrible, young life. You wonder how she managed to survive at all by the end.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The reader may be tempted to think that it is just too much, that these experiences are exaggerated or fiction because so much seems improbable. But if you’ve taken even a shallow survey of spiritual abuse victims and their stories, you know that this account, horrific as it seems, is entirely within the realm of possibility, and it is a sad commentary on the state of religious life in America that these stories are so common and so severe.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Some may not like the conclusion. Willow does not find the perfect spiritual epiphany and a new, nurturing, compassionate fellowship to join; she does not magically cause her father to become a sane, reasonable person by the end and effect some kind of reconciliation; she does not even find spiritual assurance. She does, however, find real love in the person of “Sweetheart” and just as important, she finds real freedom – and that’s a huge enough change, considering all that her lifetime affords her, to make for as much of a happy-ever-after as possible.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Others may not like the anonymity of the author. Who is she? Why does she not put her whole, real name to her work? But victims of spiritual abuse are fearful of retaliatory rage. They’ve been threatened with harm and hell by people who like their prophecies to come true. If you’ve seen what powerful churches and spiritual abusers have done to victims like FBCJAX Watchdog and James Duncan, among others, you know that Willow is prudent by remaining anonymous.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The book should serve as a wake-up call to the church. </div><div class="MsoNormal">Willow came across spiritual abuse in many venues, not just one. Churches encouraged the abuse or closed their eyes to it. Churches will point to selfish sins as the root cause of people leaving the church, when really the spiritual abuse that their methods and doctrines promote, or their neglect permits, could easily be to blame for driving people away from a life with Christ.<br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">If you pick up this book, you will see the seamier side of the church. You will confront ugly truths. But it will also open your eyes to attitudes and practices that desperately need to be addressed. The 3.99 e-book price is a bargain, and I give <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Crooked Cross</i> my hearty recommendation.</div>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-19153100975460861412011-11-14T06:38:00.001-08:002011-11-14T06:38:51.775-08:00Brisbane christian fellow shipHello fellow friends from all around the world, welcome.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-50121872761502529642011-10-04T14:41:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.789-07:00Spiritual Abuse Resource TreasuryHere is an annotated list of top sites on spiritual abuse.<br />The list is organized into eight sections:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#mechanism">Resources on the mechanism of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#healthy">Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#spiritual">Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#recovery">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#books">Books on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#blogs">Blogs on spiritual abuse</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#video">Video resources</a></li><li><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/#stories">Stories of spiritual abuse</a></li></ul><br />If you are wondering if your church or pastor is spiritually abusive, or if your church leaders are engaging in cult-like practices, or if authoritarian power structures are in place at your church, this site can direct you to helpful sources.<br />If you are just wondering if your church is moving in a dangerous direction, many sites linked here can help, too.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.)<br /><br />For easier searching, visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>.<br /><br /><span id="mechanism" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This site is brimming with great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastor), but in those who follow cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with a technique called "love bombing" which looks like love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br /><br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> The pages on<a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.urbanchange.net/articles.asp?articleID=10&title=Authoritarianism">authoritarianism</a> are excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br />Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic <i>Churches that Abuse</i> (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual <i>experiences </i></li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called <i>In Sheep's Clothin</i>g by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_306286242"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/">Apologetics Index</a> quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath</li></ul><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span id="healthy" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview.<br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">What Really Matters blog</a> shares <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2008/11/healthy-church.html">a list of what's healthy and what's not</a> in this easy-to-read comparative list. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.</li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><span id="spiritual" style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1404099112"><br /></a><br />To be a good Christian, must you always trust your pastor? <a href="http://fiftyhours.com/?p=745">This Calvary Chapel response site post, called Fatalistic Faith</a>, likens unaccountable pastors' claims that you aren't exercising faith when you demand accountability, to Satan's temptation of Christ. Throw yourself off the temple and He will catch you, says the tempter. Simply throw yourself into the judgment of your leaders and God will protect you, say unaccountable church authorities.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-do-you-study-bible-after-someone.html">How do you study the Bible after someone has bludgeoned you with it?</a> This post on the essential blog <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under More Grace</a> discusses the problem many have coming out of abusive churches in approaching scripture. The author discusses the difficulty she had and how she dealt with it, and she includes links to many useful sites as well. She also gives helpful suggestions on how to relate to scripture when it stops speaking to you as it used to.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.aberdeennews.com/opinion/aan-4a.06-09-11.ed.column.marmorst-20110609,0,4938092.story">This article</a>, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a>http://books.google.com/books?id=o-ZkMPJYWOkC&pg=PA55&lpg=PA55&dq=twisted+scriptures+Mary+Alice+unlimited&source=bl&ots=Z9bax3f_sz&sig=35f_3FKV0Ojvq8HhubNIPM1zGkQ&hl=en&ei=C-tTTojHB_GlsQKn_fiLBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false">Unlimited authority from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span id="recovery" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br />Getting your identity back after spiritual abuse:<a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_005.html"> This article, Spiritual Identity Crisis,</a> again from churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulty victims have after years of treating pastors as divine beings. "<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">This void (or identity crisis) is most likely the result of allowing our identity to be stolen away when we were involved in the group, and then being forced to manage our own identity again when the group/leader is no longer in our lives." You might not think you need to read this article immediately after escaping from a spiritually damaging group, but if you come back to it later, you can realize how helpful it is in connecting the dots and helping you get your life back together.</span><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?</li></ul><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/2011/06/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html">The Agony of Seeing Spiritual Abuse as it Really Is</a>: This post uses a comment from a Harold Camping follower on a forum to investigate the roller-coaster-like nature spiritual abuse in action. Here, you can see that spiritual abuse victims are torn between defending the abuser or former leader and castigating him as they come out of the influence of the group. <br /><ul></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span id="books" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>.<br />A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span id="blogs" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />If you don't read any other blog on spiritual abuse, make sure to read these two companion blogs. Under Much Grace and <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> are THE most detailed and researched sites on spiritual abuse. The author, Cindy Kunsmun, shares her own experience and years of intelligent research and understanding. It is the groundbreaking blog on the subject.<br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> includes parts of Cindy's testimony and a wonderful treatment of her attempt to recover after being out of the abusive church. Her story is replete with helpful links as well.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation.<br />The analysis in some of these articles is excellent. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit.<br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/">Religious Cults Info</a> is a blog looking particularly at a cult-like group in North Carolina, the Word of Faith Fellowship. It includes many worthwhile links, stories of abuse in that Fellowship and other like groups. The site demonstrates how some abusive church leaders exercise control even into the most personal areas of member's lives (like how to roll and fold toilet paper!) Well worth a look. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)</li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span id="video" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span id="stories" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">LINKS TO STORIES OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/cult-survivor-relives-history-of-servitude-20100319-qkxl.html">She had to choose between church or daughter</a><br /><br /><a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-story.html">This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery</a><br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2010/02/the-toilet-paper-revelation/">This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job</a> Also, <a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2011/07/don%E2%80%99t-smash-those-pennies/comment-page-1/#comment-6143">edicts on not smashing pennies!</a><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.</a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/about1053-streetcar.html">The man behind the curtain</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.pajamapages.com/?p=3780">Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/waste.htm">Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years</a><br /><br /><a href="http://soullibertyfaith.com/?p=816">Holey coverups</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mycultlife.com/about-lisa/my-story/">Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group</a><br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/">A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/">This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse</a><a href="http://bcf-ourstories.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&updated-max=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&max-results=46"><br /><br /></a><a href="http://caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/destruct.htm">This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.religionnewsblog.com/9613/parents-of-mother-who-killed-baby-criticize-pastors-influence">Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/people/8429.html">College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/experiences.html">Many, many stories mostly from UPC members</a><br /><br /><a href="http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/07/30/peril-in-the-kingdom/">An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.momlogic.com/2009/08/my_husband_assaulted_me_my_church_took_his_side_saddleback_church_rick_warren.php">When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further</a><br /><br /><a href="http://laurasullivantsterkmylifeunchained.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-first-day.html">Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/true-and-false-humility.html">When humility is not humility</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/reason.htm">After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD</a><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/viewtopic.php?t=453&mforum=streetcar">His family chose the elders and shunned him</a>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-20697061782194083052011-10-04T14:33:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.804-07:00Facebook page Because a Provender reader expressed interest in a Facebook page for sharing with friends -- in and out of abusive churches -- this<a href="http://www.facebook.com/Provender"> new Facebook page</a> is now available. We've secured a willing administrator and are ready to go. The page allows Facebook friends to share stories, tips for success in dealing with spiritually abusive situations, questions on spiritual abuse topics or other observations on matters of spiritual abuse. Provender would prefer that specific churches or individuals not be mentioned by name, except in private posts. Provender will occasionally post links to the page on matters dealing with spiritual abuse.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-14047816601515878062011-06-10T21:55:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.810-07:00Spiritual Abuse Resource BankHere are top sites on spiritual abuse.<br />The site is organized into eight sections:<br /><ul><li><a href = "#mechanism">Resources on the mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works </a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#healthy">Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#spiritual">Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#recovery">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#books">Books on spiritual abuse</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#blogs">Blogs on spiritual abuse</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#video">Video resources</a></li><br /> <li><a href = "#stories">Stories of spiritual abuse</a></li><br /> </ul><br />If you are wondering if your church or pastor is spiritually abusive, or if your church leaders are engaging in cult-like practices, or if authoritarian power structures are in place at your church, this site can direct you to helpful sources.<br />If you are just wondering if your church is moving in a dangerous direction, many sites linked here can help, too.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.)<br /><br />For easier searching, visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>.<br /><br /><span id = "mechanism" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This is a wonderful site and is full of great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastors), but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><br /> <li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><br /> <li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><br /> <li>the leader always needing to be right. </li><br /> </ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><br /> <li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><br /> <li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><br /> <li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><br /> <li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br /><br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> The pages on<a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.urbanchange.net/articles.asp?articleID=10&title=Authoritarianism">authoritarianism</a> are excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br />Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><br /> <li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><br /> <li>Separation or isolation of members </li><br /> <li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><br /> <li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><br /> <li>No dissent </li><br /> <li>Traumatic departure </li><br /> <li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic <i>Churches that Abuse</i> (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual <i>experiences </i></li><br /> <li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><br /> <li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><br /> <li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><br /> <li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><br /> <li>Few checks and balances </li><br /> <li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><br /> <li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><br /> <li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><br /> <li>Elitism.</li><br /> <li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><br /> <li>Legalism.</li><br /> <li>Induced fatigue.</li><br /> <li>Sanction oriented.</li><br /> <li>Anti-intellectual.</li><br /> <li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><br /> <li>Mind control.</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><br /> <li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li><br /> </ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called <i>In Sheep's Clothin</i>g by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_306286242"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/">Apologetics Index</a> quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><br /> <li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><br /> <li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><br /> <li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><br /> <li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><br /> <li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><br /> <li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><br /> <li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><br /> <li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><br /> <li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><br /> <li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><br /> <li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><br /> <li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><br /> <li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><br /> <li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><br /> <li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><br /> <li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><br /> <li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><br /> <li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><br /> <li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><br /> <li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><br /> <li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><br /> <li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><br /> <li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><br /> <li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><br /> <li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li><br /> </ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><br /> <li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><br /> <li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li><br /> </ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><br /> <li>b) They are only like that with you</li><br /> <li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><br /> <li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><br /> <li>e) You are just being difficult</li><br /> <li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><br /> <li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><br /> <li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li><br /> </ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><br /> <li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><br /> <li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><br /> <li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><br /> <li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><br /> <li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><br /> <li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><br /> <li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath</li><br /> </ul><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span id = "healthy" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><br /> <li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><br /> <li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><br /> <li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><br /> <li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><br /> <li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><br /> <li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><br /> <li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><br /> <li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.</li><br /> </ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><br /> <li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><br /> <li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><br /> <li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><br /> <li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><br /> <li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><br /> <li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><br /> <li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><br /> <li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><br /> <li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><br /> <li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><br /> <li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><br /> <li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><br /> <li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><br /> <li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li><br /> </ul><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><span id = "spiritual" style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1404099112"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-do-you-study-bible-after-someone.html">How do you study the Bible after someone has bludgeoned you with it?</a> This post on the essential blog <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under More Grace</a> discusses the problem many have coming out of abusive churches in approaching scripture. The author discusses the difficulty she had and how she dealt with it, and she includes links to many useful sites as well. She also gives helpful suggestions on how to relate to scripture when it stops speaking to you as it used to.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.aberdeennews.com/opinion/aan-4a.06-09-11.ed.column.marmorst-20110609,0,4938092.story">This article</a>, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a>http://books.google.com/books?id=o-ZkMPJYWOkC&pg=PA55&lpg=PA55&dq=twisted+scriptures+Mary+Alice+unlimited&source=bl&ots=Z9bax3f_sz&sig=35f_3FKV0Ojvq8HhubNIPM1zGkQ&hl=en&ei=C-tTTojHB_GlsQKn_fiLBw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEMQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span id = "recovery" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><br /> <li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><br /> <li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><br /> <li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><br /> <li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><br /> <li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><br /> <li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><br /> <li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?</li><br /> </ul><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><br /> <li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><br /> <li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><br /> <li>difficulty concentrating </li><br /> <li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><br /> <li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><br /> <li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><br /> <li>trouble holding down a job </li><br /> </ul><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/2011/06/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html">The Agony of Seeing Spiritual Abuse as it Really Is</a>: This post uses a comment from a Harold Camping follower on a forum to investigate the roller-coaster-like nature spiritual abuse in action. Here, you can see that spiritual abuse victims are torn between defending the abuser or former leader and castigating him as they come out of the influence of the group. <br /><ul></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><br /> <li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><br /> <li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><br /> <li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><br /> <li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><br /> <li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><br /> <li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><br /> <li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><br /> <li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><br /> <li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li><br /> </ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span id = "books" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>.<br />A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><br /> <li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><br /> <li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><br /> <li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><br /> <li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><br /> <li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline" </li><br /> <li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><br /> <li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><br /> <li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><br /> <li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><br /> <li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><br /> <li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><br /> <li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><br /> <li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><br /> <li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><br /> <li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><br /> <li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><br /> <li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><br /> <li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)</li><br /> </ul><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span id = "blogs" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />If you don't read any other blog on spiritual abuse, make sure to read these two companion blogs. Under Much Grace and <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> are THE most detailed and researched sites on spiritual abuse. The author, Cindy Kunsmun, shares her own experience and years of intelligent research and understanding. It is the groundbreaking blog on the subject.<br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">Under More Grace</a> includes parts of Cindy's testimony and a wonderful treatment of her attempt to recover after being out of the abusive church. Her story is replete with helpful links as well.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation.<br />The analysis in some of these articles is excellent. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit.<br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/">Religious Cults Info</a> is a blog looking particularly at a cult-like group in North Carolina, the Word of Faith Fellowship. It includes many worthwhile links, stories of abuse in that Fellowship and other like groups. The site demonstrates how some abusive church leaders exercise control even into the most personal areas of member's lives (like how to roll and fold toilet paper!) Well worth a look. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><br /> <li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><br /> <li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><br /> <li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><br /> <li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><br /> <li>Courage </li><br /> <li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><br /> <li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><br /> <li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><br /> <li>Flexibility </li><br /> <li>Openness </li><br /> <li>Ability to show emotion </li><br /> <li>Ability to be yourself </li><br /> <li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><br /> <li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)</li><br /> </ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span id = "video" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span id = "stories" style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">LINKS TO STORIES OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/cult-survivor-relives-history-of-servitude-20100319-qkxl.html">She had to choose between church or daughter</a><br /><br /><a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-story.html">This cult church made a virtual slave of one blogger -- 15 years of misery</a><br /><br /><a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2010/02/the-toilet-paper-revelation/">This pastor said God gave instructions on how to roll and fold toilet paper properly. Soon the TP police were on the job</a> Also, <a href="http://religiouscultsinfo.com/2011/07/don%E2%80%99t-smash-those-pennies/comment-page-1/#comment-6143">edicts on not smashing pennies!</a><br /><br /><a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Personal%20Testimony">They told her terrible things would happen if she left, and no other church would help her.</a><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/about1053-streetcar.html">The man behind the curtain</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.pajamapages.com/?p=3780">Church blogger critic experiences wrath of abusers (including fake letter-of-resignation sent to employer) and major harassment with few attempts by church leaders to stop the abuse.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/waste.htm">Caught in a Bible-based cult for 13 years</a><br /><br /><a href="http://soullibertyfaith.com/?p=816">Holey coverups</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.mycultlife.com/about-lisa/my-story/">Abusive voices remained in her head after she left the cultish group</a><br /><br /><a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/">A good blog on spiritual abuse, and some great links in the sidebar also</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://fortheleastofthese.wordpress.com/spiritual-abuse/">This sad story includes 15 signs of abuse</a><a href="http://bcf-ourstories.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&updated-max=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&max-results=46"><br /><br /></a><a href="http://caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/destruct.htm">This woman left the frying pan of one cult for the fire of another</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.religionnewsblog.com/9613/parents-of-mother-who-killed-baby-criticize-pastors-influence">Parents of woman who cut off baby's arms blame pastor 's influence for taking her to the edge</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/people/8429.html">College senior trapped in abusive group for years finally escapes</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/experiences.html">Many, many stories mostly from UPC members</a><br /><br /><a href="http://sgmrefuge.com/2008/07/30/peril-in-the-kingdom/">An SGM pastoral intern finds leaving isn't all that easy</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.momlogic.com/2009/08/my_husband_assaulted_me_my_church_took_his_side_saddleback_church_rick_warren.php">When husband beat her after worship service, this mom sought help from church only to be abused further</a><br /><br /><a href="http://laurasullivantsterkmylifeunchained.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-first-day.html">Hedged in at her Canadian Baptist college, this young women had few places to turn, but managed to survive.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/true-and-false-humility.html">When humility is not humility</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/reason.htm">After divorcing for verbal abuse, this woman was disfellowshiped from a Baptist church with a message on a large screen in front of the church that read: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD</a><br /><br /><a href="http://streetcar.forumup.com.au/viewtopic.php?t=453&mforum=streetcar">His family chose the elders and shunned him</a>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-75798834270573473722011-06-07T15:00:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.828-07:00The agony of seeing spiritual abuse for what it is<span style="font-size: x-small;">(The main spiritual abuse resource bank is in the post below this one)</span><br />A Harold Camping follower begins to <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html">see that he was wrong</a>, and is on the spiritual roller coaster so many spiritual abuse victims know all too well. Because this post so well demonstrates that crack-the-whip, sick-to-your-stomach feeling when first doubting your spiritual leader in an abusive system, I've included it<a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/agony-of-seeing-spiritual-abuse-for.html"> here</a>. Provender comments are in green.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-65050836542533735932011-05-15T11:57:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.834-07:00Top Spiritual Abuse ResourcesHere are top sites on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.)<br />The site is organized into seven sections:<br /><ul><li>Resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works </li><li>Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</li><li>Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</li><li>Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</li><li>Books on spiritual abuse</li><li>Blogs on spiritual abuse</li><li>Video resources</li></ul>For easier searching, visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This is a wonderful site and is full of great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastors), but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br /><br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. It was a terrific resource, though, and I luckily preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> The pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> are excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, so maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br />Describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is another good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of the classic <i>Churches that Abuse</i> (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual <i>experiences </i></li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called <i>In Sheep's Clothin</i>g by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_306286242"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/">Apologetics Index</a> quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath</li></ul><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul>A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.aberdeennews.com/opinion/aan-4a.06-09-11.ed.column.marmorst-20110609,0,4938092.story">This article</a>, in a South Dakota newspaper, discusses how easy it is to fall into the trap of following dangerous leaders. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.</li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?</li></ul><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>.<br />A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidents of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)</li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics relating to spiritual abuse.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-73730186366408405692011-05-13T13:26:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.846-07:00Q. How could I have been so wrong? A. It’s easier than you think<span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> If you stand forlorn and disillusioned come May 22, you won't be the first to feel that way after trusting a spiritual leader. Though many followers of Bible answer man, Harold Camping, will be "crying mightily" and asking themselves what went wrong, many victims of spiritual abuse have asked that same question -- and some continue to ask themselves the same question on a regular basis. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Some spiritual abusers purposely deceive the flock for gain or power. Others unintentionally abuse, but whether intentionally or not,<a href="http://tinyurl.com/3vxlwsj"> religious authorities who exhibit spiritually abusive traits</a> create plenty of damage.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> After a few days (or weeks or months, in some cases) many Campingites or former Campingites, will wonder how they could have been so blind to their teacher's faults, or how they could have been stupid enough to believe him, or so gullible. They will not understand how easy it is to be taken in. They will be in very good company. Many people, emerging from spiritually abusive churches and groups, ask the same thing. How could this have happened to ME?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">It’s a lot easier to fall under the spell of an errant religious leader than many people realize.</span> It doesn’t seem to matter if you're highly educated or not, whether you are wealthy or poor, whether you have a healthy amount of skepticism or not. It doesn’t matter whether you have just a smattering of Bible knowledge, or whether you consider yourself quite the scripture expert. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Cult-like leaders – and especially those who seem to believe in their own special calling – can do amazing things to people’s minds, sometimes unknowingly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <b>What makes these religious figures so authoritative, and how could you have fallen for it all?</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Certain factors work together in combination to bring about dependence on authoritative voices:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">1. <b>Elitism: </b>If your Bible teacher constantly casts scorn or derision on other religious groups, churches or beliefs, he makes his followers feel special. He points out faults of Church A, then B, then C. Before long, no one is quite as enlightened as your special group. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> If Church A is worldly because of a certain practice or doctrine, then simply by not being a part of Church A, you find yourself up a notch on the spiritual ladder. YOU have escaped error or sin by not being part of Church A. Then repeat with B, C, D...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> This is how elitism works. The leader criticizes other Christians not like his followers. When such criticized Christians respond to the negativity, the leader characterizes the response as persecution. At the same time, he steps up the criticism of groups outside his authority. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> This does two things: 1. It makes followers know that to avoid errors like those in Church A, B or C, they need to keep to the group and listen more closely to the leader. 2. He also makes it hard for followers to leave. After members have spent so long looking down at folks outside the group, and inflating the “specialness” of the group, it is hard for them to leave and join a group they’ve criticized for so long.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Cults and spiritually abusive groups inflate their own sense of uniqueness and calling. AND they put down others outside the group frequently.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> If you’ve found yourself following your leader in criticism of outside groups, know this: It’s hard -- once you’ve started -- to back up and go a different direction. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> In the most cult-like groups, almost no one outside your little circle is considered authentic. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You can’t just instantly erase months or years of your own critical attitudes toward outside groups. To leave the group, it means you have to realize that your criticism, though sometimes just, was sometimes <i>not</i> just. That’s hard to own up to. To keep from feeling uncomfortable over your negative views of others, you held on tighter to your leader and absorbed more of his negativity and disdainful views than you otherwise would have.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">2. <b>Authoritarianism:</b> Your leader not only exaggerated the claims of the group as a whole, he exaggerated his own importance to the group. Some leaders can actually put on a humble facade, all the while stressing their own importance and uniqueness. Though some leaders come right out and demand subservience (so that you show God how humble you are, through serving them) others are more subtle. They just want you to admire and adore. By establishing themselves as the ultimate authority on spiritual things, they puff themselves up and receive an emotional boost. What followers do when they follow, or give to, or compliment such leaders is to provide the narcissist with what is called “</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.lifeissues.net/writers/mcm/mcm_25narcissism2.html#a11">narcissistic supply.</a>” When you become a source of narcissistic supply to a leader, he makes you feel very important, very special. Later, when you start harboring doubts, it’s hard to just walk away. If you do, suddenly your position as chief supplier of flattery is in danger. Your own sense of purpose fades and that’s uncomfortable.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> 3. <b>Mind control</b>: Manipulative spiritual leaders use mind control tactics. Some may even do this unknowingly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“Trust bandit” is what <a href="http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php?PHPSESSID=57bc2ea12934b578587345173ac8589b&topic=6537.msg17217#msg17217">Lalich and Tobias</a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> call these leaders. They take something very essential from you. In the book <i>Captive Hearts, Captive Minds</i>, the authors point out that “even after leaving the group or relationship, many former devotees carry a burden of guilt and shame while they continue to regard their former leader as paternal, all‑good, and godlike,” according to </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">one reviewer. </a> The power of manipulation reaches far and wide.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> In a chapter called the Authoritarian Power Dynamic, the authors list some traits you will find among abusive, manipulative leaders: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * the tendency to hierarchy</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * the drive for power (and wealth)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * hostility, hatred, prejudice</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * superficial judgments of people and events</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * a one‑sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * interpreting kindness as weakness</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * a sadistic‑masochistic tendency</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> * paranoia </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> 4. <b>Black and white thinking:</b> When these leaders speak with such convincing authority, with a voice that sounds unwavering and sure, it is hard for many not to believe what they say. They don’t seem to hesitate at all. In a world where there is so much uncertainty and ambivalence, it is refreshing, sometimes, to find a voice that seems so sure and convincing. Unfortunately, certitude comes with a price.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> With spiritually abusive leaders, “many disputable matters are classified as either ‘black’ or ‘white.’ No allowance is made for ‘middle ground’ in these areas. This is sometimes also referred to as ‘polarized’ thinking, because nearly every issue is interpreted as having only two possible answers, both of which are polar opposites of each other. Spiritually abusive groups leave very little room in between the two extremes, thus crowding out both personal freedom and the operation of God's Spirit in the life of the individual. “ See Rest Ministries chapter on <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_939620371">black and white thinking</a><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/2009/12/black-and-white-thinking.html">.</a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> People in a spiritually abusive system become dependent on their leader’s reasoning skills, or assurances or authoritative voice. Without it, they feel lost. It’s not because they are stupid or unable to think on their own; it’s because that, first attracted to the calm and forceful assurance of the voice, they eventually became dependent on it, like on a drug.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">5. <b>Group-think reinforces the deception:</b> In a chapter called Group Leveraging, <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/2009/12/group-leveraging.html">one writer</a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> looks at mistakes made by the Kennedy administration over the Bay of Pigs incident. He says that Kennedy afterwards asked, “How could we have been so stupid?” but says that stupidity is not the explanation. Group-think was. It’s easy after you’ve gone a wrong direction to ask how you could have been so stupid, but at the time, if you look closely at what was going on, you’ll see that group leveraging was in all likelihood, going on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Here are some traits of group-think that <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/2009/12/group-leveraging.html">Rest Ministries</a> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">quotes from a 1971 Psychology Today article: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/2009/12/group-leveraging.html">"Groupthink"</a> happens when ‑‑</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">1. The group shares an illusion of invulnerability;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">2. The group engages in collective rationalization to discount dissonant information;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">3. The group comes to believe in the inherent morality of what it wants to do;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">4. The group develops stereotypes of other groups and of dissenters which protects it from accurate analysis;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">5. The group puts direct pressure on dissenters in order to silence them;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">6. Group members begin to censor their own thought, especially doubts they may have about the wisdom of proposed courses of action;</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">7. The group comes to believe in its unanimity because of lack of dissent and the belief that "silence means consent;"</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">8. Some members of the group come to function in the role of "mindguards" ‑‑ watchmen who "protect" the leaders from dissenting views by actively discouraging such dissenters from expressing their disagreement. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">These are complicated dynamics, but very powerful ones. It may be hard for those never under the spell of such leaders to understand, but the tricks and deceits these leaders use -- in some cases even without realizing what they are doing -- are very powerful, and almost anyone can become a victim under the right circumstances.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So what do you do when you find you’ve been deceived by a religious narcissist or errant leader? Start by finding other such believers. Tell your story. Tell how you broke away from the power over your mind. Though you may have been told not to “gossip,” it is not gossip <a href="http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_4327863/mpage_5/tm.htm">to tell your own story</a> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and is often very helpful and informative to share experiences with likeminded victims after the trauma of spiritual abuse.</span></div>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-81208416145098448992011-03-28T17:56:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.852-07:00Helpful sites on spiritual abuseThis is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.) This post is divided into seven sections:<br /><ul><li>Resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works </li><li>Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</li><li>Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</li><li>Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</li><li>Books on spiritual abuse</li><li>Blogs on spiritual abuse</li><li>Video resources</li></ul>For easier searching, visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader (or spiritually abusive pastors), but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This is a wonderful site. For a while it was down, but thankfully is working again and is full of great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20070212105817/http://www.excult.org/cultc.html">The Cult Church</a> is a short article exploring why and how some leaders veer into dangerous ground and exhibit the "spirit of control." <br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/ethics/18177-danger-ahead">Danger Ahead </a>This site includes a list of five things for pastors or church leaders to watch out for, to keep from becoming abusive. It is written from the point of view of an experienced pastor giving advice to others: Lack of accountability, feeling the rules no longer apply to you, my-way-or-the-highway attitude, compulsive control of information, and paranoia. Short and to-the-point.<br /><ul></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul><br />The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul><br />From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul><br /><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul><br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul><br /><br />Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul><br /><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul><br /><br />When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20080623/bcf/default.htm">The God of Broken Hearts</a> Three people who left the abusive network of Australian churches, BCF (Brisbane Christian Fellowship, I believe), speak about their experiences on a TV program. Though specific to that particular experience, many of the features of the group are similar to other spiritually abusive groups. The one technique that is the most terrifying is the tendency for church leaders to divide families, to "drive a wedge between" part of a family and another part. You see from the film that spiritual abuse drove one man away from faith altogether. The pastor speaking at the end, Greg Passmore, articulates some tremendous insights into the problem of spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-13761995811178310782011-03-28T17:54:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:05.948-07:00Performance-based? Not MY church! We believe in grace through faith, not salvation through works. So how could my church be performance-based?<br /><br /> The interesting thing about spiritually abusive groups is that, while doctrine and preaching say one thing, the actual working rules of the church say something else entirely. By working rules, I mean those unspoken rules that govern what people do or don’t do in a church.<br /><br /> One sign of an abusive church is the stress on performance. The teaching may say “grace through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,” but in a performance-based church what matters most is a set of behaviors the pastor or leaders expect you to perform.<br /><br /> This isn’t always a list of do’s and don’t’s. Though the pastor can come right out and say that you must do this or should never do that, he doesn’t have to. Simply by castigating a behavior from the pulpit, or preaching in favor of another, he can make it clear what the rules are.<br /><br /> In a performance-based church, the pastor doesn’t need to say “You must attend Wednesday services to be saved.” Instead, he may just excoriate lukewarm Christians who "only attend on Sunday mornings." You get the message. If you don’t come on Wednesdays, the rest of the congregation will believe you are sinful or backslidden. You are not a “real” Christian if you don’t perform.<br /><br /> In a performance-based church, the pastor doesn't need to say that people who attend Saturday prayer breakfast or workers luncheon are more pleasing to God than others. He need only say that the devoted or committed believers will show up for a certain event. You know, then, that if you don't show up, you are not devoted or committed. You are a lukewarm Christian and God will spew you out of His mouth.<br /><br />The pastor doesn’t need to say, “You must not wear make up, watch football on Sundays or wear shorts in public.” He only needs to make it clear that it is a worldly or reprobate type of Christian who partakes of these behaviors.<br /><br /> Since in abusive churches, authority is what the pastor is aiming for, the actual banned or promoted behaviors differ widely from church to church. To the abusive pastor, <b>the behavior lauded or prohibited isn’t as important as the results</b> that come from drawing the line and watching the people decide whether to choose their conscience or his directive. A feeling of power over others gives an instant emotional boost. Abusive pastors thrive on this. It is a mood booster. Abusive pastors will line up a series of situations that require someone to choose between the pastor's way or their own conscience. The pastor will intimate or even come right out and say that their way is God's way.<br />If the subject chooses the pastor's way, a little thrill of victory comes and he then begins to look forward to the next little test in the series.<br /><br /> The law of the pastor goes far beyond any reasonable interpretation of essentials of scripture. You'd really have to isolate scripture and twist it into pretzel-like contortions to believe that Jesus had in mind the laws that come down as unstated performance rules in these abusive churches. But rather than doubt the "man of God," many members do just that. They twist and bend the scripture, looking down on the inferior who don't quite make it -- and hoping the pastor doesn't discover their own little lapses. <br /><br /> In our abusive church the pastor and his wife made it clear that Wednesday night attenders were "sold out to Jesus." If you didn't witness frequently to friends and neighbors you were callous and uncaring, and not a committed Christian. They also made it clear that members who wanted to hold potlucks, host a Halloween alternative night, take children's church kids across the street to the park, play music at a bar, believe in intelligent design or bring up troubling issues to the leadership were all weak Christians.<br /><br />Performance-based churches say that you are saved through faith, but insist you show your gratitude for salvation by doing x,y and z. But the x, y and z are always random issues the pastor brings up, and rarely line up with the issues Jesus thought most important.<br /><br />People given "church discipline" are rarely given it for serious sin: adultery, theft, violence. Instead, it is the sins against the pastor or the leaders that are punished. It's called rebelliousness, gossip, lying, selfishness. Attitudinal sins become the biggest issue. These sins are punished more because they aren't sins against God, but sins against the pastor. People caught in fornication or theft may be given a talking to, or they may be prayed for. A man guilty of domestic violence might be counseled. But those who question a leader's decision will be shamed or shunned, preached against or disciplined for heresy, a critical spirit or rebellion. In abusive churches, discipline is usually reserved for sins against church leadership. Sins against God are generally overlooked if the member is in good standing with the leadership.<br /><br /> Punished infractions are surprisingly peripheral to the heavy concerns Christ voiced when He walked the earth. Whatever the issues are, they become a line in the sand and used as tests. Books you should read or not read, hair length, matters of dress, proper Bible translation, music you must avoid, proving you are worthy by babysitting the pastor’s kids, how you spend your money, tithing details, acceptable or unacceptable marriage partners. Sometimes the decree reaches into the most intimate of relationships, in places a pastor has no business dictating choices.<br /><br /> In our church, there were periodic loyalty tests. The pastor, out of left field, would make a bold statement sure to divide or, at the very least, raise questions. Or he would do something brazen to see if anyone reacted. Once, he replaced the church statement of faith with his own self-manufactured one and then waited to see if anyone complained. Another time, he simply disbanded the board.<br /><br /> Anyone taking issue with his strange remark or action would be shamed in some way, or have a ministry taken away. This, then, would become another loyalty test. How will the subject respond to the shaming or the whisking away of a ministry? Will the subject complain, or meekly go along? It was like prodding a beetle with a stick to see what it would do, a kind of game -- and the object was power over people.<br /><br /> To the abused, it seems as though the behavior itself is what is important, but to the abuser, the <i>issue </i>is secondary. How the subject <i>responds </i>to an outrageous, inappropriate or oddball prohibition is the important part.<br /><br /> Loyal members struggle. They follow the dictates as much as possible, but there are always areas where their conscience is troubled. They learn to keep quiet about certain subjects around the pastor.<br /><br />The pastor thinks that those who see psychologists aren’t trusting the Bible? Well, then. We won’t mention that we see a counselor for post traumatic stress disorder. The pastor thinks that using the Internet is satanic? We won’t talk about the news sites we visit online. The pastor thinks using Time Out with your kids is worldly? We’ll just not say anything about it to the pastor. The pastor thinks that exercise videos are immodest? We'll keep ours under wraps.<br /><br /> Members constrain themselves to fit the pastor’s decrees. They may not follow as strictly as those decrees mandate, but they abuse their own conscience repeatedly, always wondering whether they are right or not in following, or not following to the letter, those behaviors the pastor equates with godliness.<br /><br /> It is a performance-based faith and has nothing to do with true grace, despite all the fine words to the contrary.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-37029439828850783702011-02-09T08:18:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.037-07:00Top Sites on Spiritual AbuseThis is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.) This post is divided into seven sections:<br /><ul><li>Resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works </li><li>Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is</li><li>Resources that focus on the <i>spiritual</i> aspects of spiritual abuse</li><li>Rresources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse</li><li>Books on spiritual abuse</li><li>Blogs on spiritual abuse</li><li>Video resources</li></ul>For easier searching, visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. Even though many spiritually abusive churches aren't considered cults, cultic techniques are very often employed in abusive churches. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups can bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Even though it is a ploy, it can seem genuine and heartfelt. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This is a wonderful site. For a while it was down, but thankfully is working again and is full of great articles. <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/church-speak.html">What Language Does Your Church Speak?</a> gives a list of common spiritually abusive code phrases, things you are likely to hear in a church that abuses its members; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">;</a> <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">?</a> A Checklist <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/wolves.html">Are Churches the Home of Wolves? </a>and many other great resources.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a>, called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://brevia.com/Spiritual/Idolatry.htm">How to Tell if a Ministry is Cultic</a> by <b>Voyle A. Glover</b> <br />I recently discovered this well-written article on pastor idolatry. It shows how churches that emphasize a pastor's preferences over anything else are cultic at heart, though they think they are very biblical. Here is an excerpt: <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Say what you want, but when a Christian chooses to sin, he or she <i>chooses</i> not to obey God. That's the long and short of it. When such a person chooses to sin, he is saying he desires that sin more than pleasing God. He chooses to please the flesh instead of God. He has chosen sin over God. He has been unfaithful to God. He has been disloyal to God. </span></i><br /><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">If you hear I have gotten drunk, you can reckon that I chose to disobey God, and you can assume, logically, that my desire for sin was greater than my desire to please God. And you could, with all authority and truthfulness say to me: <i>You have been disloyal to your God and your calling as a Christian.</i></span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><i> </i></span></i> <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">That said, I have a question for some pastors. <b>Tell me, you pastors who seek the adoration of your congregation, ye who seek the prominent place in your congregation, which is worse: to be disloyal to you, the pastor, or to be disloyal to Jesus? <i>Is it worse for a church member to betray you, or God?</i></b></span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i> </i></b></span></i> <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Now, most pastors would not have trouble answering those questions correctly. I suggest many would not answer it truthfully, though. Their actions, and the actions of their congregation betray them. If a church member in certain churches I know, backslides and gets drunk, or commits adultery or fornication <i>he will not be voted out, will not be formally disciplined, and will not suffer any serious repercussions. </i></span></i><br /><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><i> </i> Perhaps the pastor will quietly counsel with him, and will seek to encourage him back onto the path of righteousness. Or a friend will try and restore him. But he will not be shunned, nor will he be booted out the door. </span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Oh, there are some churches that will expel such a one if he refuses to be repentant about the matter, or shows no evidence of a change in his life. But mostly, nothing will be done to such a person besides, perhaps, getting several to pray for him, perhaps visit him, and perhaps, at worst, move away from him socially. He will still be treated in a friendly fashion at church. (Hey, in some churches, he will continue to hold a position of some kind in the church and held in high esteem.)</span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"> <i> </i></span></i><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>Ah, but you let that same man say a bad word about the pastor or side with someone who has been critical of that pastor and suddenly, it's different.</i>Now , he's treated like a gay leper with AIDS. He may be told by security at the church that he cannot attend the services any more. He may even be voted out of the church membership. Why? <u>Because of disloyalty to the pastor.</u> </span></i><br /><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">They will, in defense, say it is dealing with an unruly brother, or separating themselves from one who doesn't follow the teachings of the Bible, or some other reason, like calling that person a " disgruntled" church member. Whatever it is, the bottom line is that person who has been so bold as to offend by being "disloyal" to the pastor, is suddenly an evil person, a person to be shunned, and a person to be driven out of the church. Some of you know this is true. </span></i><br /><br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Some of you have experienced it. And those of you who are in churches like this, or who have been in churches where the pastor is held in a god-like esteem, know what I'm talking about. You know what I've just said is true.</span></i> <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>Well, for the record, let me say that I think such churches and the membership are cultic.</i> I think the excuses they dream up for such unruly church members is often a disguised attempt to rid themselves of individuals who have seen through the facade, and who refuse to commit idolatry any longer.</span></i> <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Sorry guys. I don't buy your excuses anymore. You are cultic and your membership is cultic.</span></i> <br /><i><span style="font-size: medium;">YOU HAVE PREFERRED A MAN OVER GOD.</span></i> <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics</li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control.</li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic. It also mentions the term "trust bandit," an apt description of a spiritual abuser, and includes these traits to look for:<br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Traditional elements of authoritarian personalities include the following:</span><br /><blockquote><ul><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to hierarchy</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the drive for power (and wealth)</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">hostility, hatred, prejudice</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">superficial judgments of people and events</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a one-sided scale of values favoring the one in power</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">interpreting kindness as weakness</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">the tendency to use people and see others as inferior</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a sadistic-masochistic tendency</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">incapability of being ultimately satisfied</span> </li><li> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">paranoia</span></li></ul></blockquote><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul><br />The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work</li></ul><br />From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul><br /><br />Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing. <br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul><br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul><br /><br />Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/beyondac.htm">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_870971912">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a><a href="http://communiosanctorum.com/">,</a> by Kevin Johnson looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul><br /><br />Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul>Healing spiritual abuse through poetry? A woman named Alice finds that writing poetry is a healing balm for spiritual abuse and she offers the church abuse therapy site: <a href="http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/">http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com/</a> Many of her poems are moving and her imagery is amazing.<br /><br /><div style="color: #666666;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Spiritual+Abuse+Recovery+Orlowski&x=0&y=0">Spiritual Abuse Recovery: </a> Dr. Barbara Orlowski has written a book on spiritual abuse, and especially healing after the fact. Check out the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Abuse-Recovery-Research-Wholeness/dp/1606089676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295537966&sr=8-1">reviews on Amazon</a>. It looks like a decent resource for those interested in how church government figures into disaffection with churches. Orlowski has looked at many online sources concerning spiritual abuse. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul><br /><br />When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-2025205413587445002010-07-22T13:58:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:06.133-07:00Sometimes they see<span style="font-size: small;"><i> I am so sorry for how I handled you. I was selfish and serving the wrong master. I took orders and followed them to lead you even when I knew the way to be hurtful and wrong, and sometimes I was just hurtful and wrong. In the personal tossing, you got tossed...</i></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><i>We had no right to be dictators in your life. We repent and ask you to forgive us…we repent and want you to know something. The representation of God’s heart shown to you during that time was wrong…because we were wrong. </i></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">On the excellent blog <a href="http://bishopswife.wordpress.com/">The Secret Life of a Bishop's Wife: What You may not see on Sunday</a>, a young couple confesses their part in spiritual abuse and shows how they came to see it for what it was.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"> A post simply called <a href="http://bishopswife.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/barrys-post/">Barry's Post</a>, included this heartfelt account and confession. Barry offers an apology to those he helped spiritually abuse -- an apology many victims of church abuse would <i>love</i> to see from their abusers. I have permission to reprint his post here. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Jana Bishop runs the Secret Life site, and this separate post about her part in enabling spiritual abuse by church leadership is well worth looking at: <a href="http://bishopswife.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/whos-looking-out-for-you/">Who's Looking out for You?</a></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br /><a href="http://bishopswife.wordpress.com/2010/07/12/barrys-post/"><span style="font-size: large;">Barry's post:</span></a><br /><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">S</span><span style="font-size: large;">torms reveal the god we serve. My god was clearly people; specifically pastors and leaders I served in my mid and late 20's.<br /><br />But, really…it came down to ME.<br /><br />As a young man learning what it was to be a husband and minister, I was more often scared than confident. When it came to confronting what I knew to be right and wrong in people’s lives… rather than speaking up on their behalf or asking “Why should they be told that?” or “handled that way?” I buckled under pressure…the pressure to make my leaders happy. Several times I worked so hard to stifle the Lord’s proverbial “jab to the ribs” that came in the form of a racing heartbeat or feeling as though I knew what I was being asked to do or say was wrong. Rather than “question my spiritual authority” I simply obeyed. <br /><br />In those instances and times when I had the chance to be a voice for the voiceless…I didn’t do it…I didn’t speak up for them. Instead, I convinced myself that I was wrong and prayed so hard for the Lord to rid me of my rebellious nature. Yet, the desire to say something or take a stand kept trying to show itself against the leaders in my life, the people who convinced me that they ”knew best.”<br /><br />So the storms came. I don’t mean the outright ones that others can perceive. The storms I speak of are the ones hurled at us from inside, that FEEL as if everyone is noticing. You’re sitting in a room with dominant men who “know” their place and yours… and everyone else’s. “This is what you need to do…”, or ”You take all her responsibilities from her and have her meet with someone until we say she’s ready.” and the favorite ”Kick… his… butt, man of God.” <br /><br />Inside me the wind would blow, and the ship that was my convictions would begin to toss. I would begin the mind’s struggle…”If I say anything, question any of those, I risk looking like a weak man and minister. I risk ridicule, punishment or removal. But if I don’t say anything, these people, these friends, these brothers and sisters get…tossed. “<br /><br />And I would always choose…ME.<br /><br />It’s been a process, but the “ship” has become stable in those storms since then. It helps having the Lord in His rightful place and people who realize my weakness and stand to strengthen me.<br /><br />As I’ve recounted those years and the friends I had the privilege to walk with as a mentor and even a peer, my heart has hurt. I did wrong to many of you. If you read this and are one of these “under” my direction in those years, I am so sorry for how I handled you. I was selfish and serving the wrong master. I took orders and followed them to lead you even when I knew the way to be hurtful and wrong, and sometimes I was just hurtful and wrong. In the personal tossing, you got tossed.<br /><br />Together…Jana and I have no words to mend the past, but we do offer you our sincere apology. We had no right to be dictators in your life. We repent and ask you to forgive us…we repent and want you to know something. The representation of God’s heart shown to you during that time was wrong…because we were wrong.<br /><br />So, whatever the storm may be in your life…whatever waves may crash against the wall of your soul…please know this…YOU ARE LOVED.</span> </span></span></div>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-38699652019909130492010-05-29T10:08:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:06.223-07:00Resources for Help with Spiritual AbuseThis is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.) This post is divided into seven sections: Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is; resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works; resources that focus on the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse; resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse; best books on spiritual abuse; best blogs on spiritual abuse; video resources.<br /><br />If you want to browse through spiritual abuse resources or search for something specific, you should visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>. On searchable Provender, the most recent articles are at the top.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul>A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a> , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This wonderful site changed and there are only broken links. However, I've restored the following links to articles that were also found elsewhere. This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/p/authority-abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a>; <a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://churchmafia.com/articles.asp?articleID=9&title=Is+Your+Church+Free+From+Cultic+Tendencies%3F">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a>? and many other great resources. <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics </li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control. </li></ul><a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. <a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/01/characteristics-of-sociopath.html">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work </li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul>Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse4.html">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/?p=646">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a>, by Kevin Johnson on a site called <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/">Prophezei</a>, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul>Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><div style="color: #666666;"><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span></div><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site.<br /><br /><a href="http://detoxchurchgroup.blogspot.com/">DeTox Church Group </a>This site combines humor, analysis and a sensible perspective and includes helpful observations on their own past experiences and present condition. From the sidebar: <span style="color: #990000;">We like</span> <span style="color: #990000;">realness</span>, people who embrace reality yet have faith to believe God can edit the details at any time. <span style="color: #990000;">We like faith</span>, we just don't want to pretend reality isn't happening.<span style="color: #990000;">We like humor</span> because it balances out the seriousness of our subject, and it's a welcome reprieve to the seriousness of the times we live in.<span style="color: #990000;">We like truth</span> and websites, blogs, books that disclose the truth.<span style="color: #990000;">We value intelligent critical thinking</span> not to be confused with what the church world calls a critical spirit. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br /><a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/">Tales from the Crypt</a> is an Australian blog with insightful takes on topics<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-9670447741438406312010-05-28T13:53:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:06.319-07:00Chance to tell your storyOn <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door blog</a>, <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2010/05/three-years.html">a three-year celebration</a> is going on. That's the amount of time the blogger has been out of her cultish group. She invites readers to post a link to a healing post on spiritual abuse, and to link to her post. Telling your story of abuse can be a freeing exercise. The Cult Next Door is an excellent resource for healing. By looking over the site, you can gather ideas for how to deal with the fallout from abuse. One exercise TCND did was to write a letter to her pastor. What a healing tactic. You don't have to send it. Just write it.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-34186676058783153702010-05-28T13:47:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:06.411-07:00Spiritual Abuse helps and resourcesProvender provides links to many excellent sources on spiritual abuse. We are in the process of restoring links to sites that have changed or moved, but most still work well. <br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and we'll see about adding it.) This post is divided into seven sections: Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is; resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works; resources that focus on the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse; resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse; best books on spiritual abuse; best blogs on spiritual abuse; video resources.<br /><br />If you want to browse through spiritual abuse resources or search for something specific, you should visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>. On searchable Provender, the most recent articles are at the top.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul>A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a> , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This wonderful site changed and there are only broken links. However, I've restored the following links to articles that were also found elsewhere. This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: <a href="http://www.actseighteen.com/articles/authority-abuse.htm">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://churchmafia.com/articles.asp?articleID=9&title=Is+Your+Church+Free+From+Cultic+Tendencies%3F">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a>? and many other great resources. <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics </li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control. </li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. A more readable version is <a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">HERE.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/01/characteristics-of-sociopath.html">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work </li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul>Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse4.html">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/?p=646">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a>, by Kevin Johnson on a site called <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/">Prophezei</a>, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul>Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-30728240905803570572010-04-01T07:53:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:06.527-07:00Spiritual Abuse Resource BankThis is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it. Also, if you find broken links, please send a note so I can try to fix them. Thanks.) This post is divided into seven sections: Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is; resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works; resources that focus on the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse; resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse; best books on spiritual abuse; best blogs on spiritual abuse; video resources.<br /><br />If you want to browse through spiritual abuse resources or search for something specific, you should visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>. On searchable Provender, the most recent articles are at the top.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.brace/abusivegroup.htm"><span id="goog_676475105"></span>Is your church healthy or unhealthy?</a> <span id="goog_676475106"></span>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’</li></ul>A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a> , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This wonderful site changed and there are only broken links. However, I've restored the following links to articles that were also found elsewhere. This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: <a href="http://www.actseighteen.com/articles/authority-abuse.htm">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://churchmafia.com/articles.asp?articleID=9&title=Is+Your+Church+Free+From+Cultic+Tendencies%3F">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a>? and many other great resources. <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics </li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control. </li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. A more readable version is <a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">HERE.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />When pastors come between man and wife there is trouble. This article, <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/AWordtotheWives.html">A Word to the Wives</a>, found on the <a href="http://wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site, explores the dangers when church leaders interfere in a marriage.<br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/01/characteristics-of-sociopath.html">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work </li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul>Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse4.html">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/?p=646">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a>, by Kevin Johnson on a site called <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/">Prophezei</a>, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.probe.org/site/c.fdKEIMNsEoG/b.4227405/k.55B6/Abusive_Churches_Leaving_Them_Behind.htm">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep (the original site seems to be no longer in service but Probe Ministries has this page), this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul>Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuseexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-19653644861136737552010-01-06T09:29:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.622-07:00Resources on Spiritual AbuseThis is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.) This post is divided into seven sections: Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is; resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works; resources that focus on the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse; resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse; best books on spiritual abuse; best blogs on spiritual abuse; video resources.<br /><br />If you want to browse through spiritual abuse resources or search for something specific, you should visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>. On searchable Provender, the most recent articles are at the top.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’.</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/faq_healthy_fellowship.html">Is your church healthy or unhealthy? </a>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a> , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a>? and many other great resources. <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics </li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)</li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control. </li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. A more readable version is <a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">HERE.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />Apologetics Index quotes Ken Blue in an explanation on why devoted Christians fall into submission to cultic and manipulative leaders on its new introduction page, <i><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a04.html#sites">How to recognize and deal with spiritual abuse.</a></i><br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <i><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></i> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><br /><br /><b><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></b> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><b>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</b> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/01/characteristics-of-sociopath.html">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work </li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul>Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <i>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</i> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse4.html">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/?p=646">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a>, by Kevin Johnson on a site called <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/">Prophezei</a>, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <i><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></i> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</i></b></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </i></b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </i></b></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive_02.html">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep, this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul>Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><span style="background-color: #ffe599; font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following are counseling services that have contacted Provender and asked to be listed. Provender doesn't know any more about these practices than one can tell from looking over a web site, so we don't specially endorse them but simply provides them for the reader to check out on their own. I've included these because the counselors claim to have once been members of cults and they also provide counseling by phone or Internet.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><i>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</i> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Knapp Family Counseling <br />According to the web site, John M. Knapp, LMSW is a counselor, therapist, cult recovery expert, consultant, and speaker. He has counseled over 2,000 former cult members in the last 13 years. He founded three web sites well known in cult recovery: TranceNet.net, TMFree.blogspot.com, and KnappFamilyCounseling.com.<br /><br />Knapp claims to have been a member of an Eastern Meditation Cult and he says that he <i>brings a wealth of experience, expertise, and first-hand stories to the study of cults, gangs, and high-intensity domestic abuse relationships.</i> For someone caught in an eastern cult, especially, his services could be helpful. There is nothing on his site (that I saw) indicating current Christian faith, so if that is a concern for you, you might want to ask about it.<br /><br />Knapp does seem to be transparent and provides a list of fees on his site and mentions a free initial consultation.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <i>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</i> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse on the blogexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-80636395846477679992010-01-02T16:37:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.720-07:00Book gives glimpse into life under the thumb of a controlling church If you ever wondered why people stay in cults, Shari Howerton’s <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Chains-Shari-L-Howerton/dp/0971349940/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262478435&sr=8-1"><em>Breaking the Chains: Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel</em> </a>gives a clear, readable explanation. Her story details a life molded and constricted by the sometimes arbitrary rules of a church that exercised control beyond what most Christians have ever experienced.<br /> Howerton’s story is detailed and gripping. Because she was born into this cultish church, you will not learn much about the way such groups lure people in the first place, but you will see the mechanisms in place for keeping them captive once they belong. The intertwined relationships of family members, elitist doctrines and inculcated fears are clearly depicted.<br /> In reading <em>Breaking the Chains</em>, you see one woman’s struggle to stay obedient, to follow the dictates of leaders, to conform to the expectations of the group while also fighting to maintain her personal identity. You follow the development of her mind and her search for truth and see her finally reach a point where she can break free from the bonds that held her life for decades.<br /> It is sometimes hard to keep different individuals straight, especially toward the end, but it really makes no difference. The image of the church is a monolith and members work together as one to preserve the image at all costs. <br /> Church leaders covered up pedophilia and sexual abuse, exerted pressure on members and their families, controlled through manipulative techniques very personal parts of members' lives and caused much pain and anguish. Members could not see that there was anything wrong with the controlling nature of the church and ostracized those who raised questions.<br /> The role of the Internet in helping Howerton affirm her choice to break free from the group is made clear. Postings on message boards allowed former members to find each other and compare notes, resulting in a sense of wholeness and release.<br /> This story is one of victory over a system that reached into very intimate and personal areas of the lives of individuals. It shows that courage and determination, alongside a growing faith in Christ, were able to push back the forces of darkness in this believer’s life. <br /> Often self-published books are riddled with diction or mechanical problems, but this book was written with an easy, professional grace and execution. It was hard to put down.<br /> If you want a story of a true overcomer that ends in freedom and victory, <em>Breaking the Chains</em> should go on the top of your reading list. – Provenderexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-31689563093551252762009-12-17T16:02:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.808-07:00Detailed compendium of spiritual abuse resourcesHere is an annotated list of the top sites available on spiritual abuse.<br />(If you find a useful site, <a href="mailto:cnnathepoet@yahoo.com">send a link </a>and I'll see about adding it.) The following post is divided into seven sections: Resources for determining how healthy or unhealthy a church is; resources on the actual mechanics of spiritual abuse, how it commonly works; resources that focus on the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse; resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse; best books on spiritual abuse; best blogs on spiritual abuse; video resources.<br /><br />If you want to browse through spiritual abuse resources or search for something specific, you should visit the<a href="http://provendersearch.blogspot.com/"> Searchable Provender</a>. On searchable Provender, the most recent articles are at the top.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources on determining how healthy or unhealthy a church or group is:</span><br /><br />From Spotlight Ministries, <a href="http://www.spotlightministries.org.uk/mctrct.htm">Are You the Victim of Mind Control?</a> contains a useful checklist to see if your group is exhibiting characteristics of a cult:<br /><ul><li>Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt? </li><li>What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.</li><li>Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon? Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions? </li><li>Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible? </li><li>Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks. </li><li>Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999). </li><li>Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)? </li><li>Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.</li><li>Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)? </li><li>Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?</li><li>Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?</li><li>Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc. </li><li>Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members? </li><li>Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement? </li><li>Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’.</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/faq_healthy_fellowship.html">Is your church healthy or unhealthy? </a>Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview. <br /><br />A list of warning signs from <a href="http://rodesmith.com/2009/02/09/ten-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/">I am Listening</a>. The first four are especially insightful: <br />1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. <br />2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.<br />3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. <br />4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/survey.asp">Church Abuse.com</a> features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Thugs in the Pulpit </a>Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? <br /><br /><a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">This article </a>by Richard Dobbins in <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/">ministrytodaymag.com</a> includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following: <br /><ul><li>I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people. </li><li>I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. </li><li>Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations. </li><li>I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates. </li><li>I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm. </li><li>I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks. </li><li>I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me. </li><li>I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack. </li><li>I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention. </li></ul>Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of <a href="http://www.ministrytodaymag.com/display.php?id=8960">Control Freak Pastors</a><br /><br />Although specifically for Reformed Baptists, some of these traits of abuse may seem familiar to others as well. From the <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site is <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/SpiritualAbuseSurvey.html">this checklist</a> of spiritually abusive acts. Included are these items: <br />•Does your church tightly control the flow of information within its ranks?<br />•Does the head of your church, along with the other “leaders”, use public shaming as a method to gain the compliance of followers? <br />•Does the head of your church and his “fellow elders” appear to be intolerant or consider it evil persecution when criticized or questioned? <br />•Are you discouraged to associate with former members, being warned that they are "evil" or "defiling"; a “danger to your spiritual welfare”? <br />•Is leaving your church to join another church that “is not approved by your elders” equal to leaving God? <br />•Do you fear being rebuked, shunned, or ignored for expressing a different opinion? <br />•Is there a relentless obsession of reminding the sheep of “who’s in authority”?<br />There are many more questions in the survey, and you may want to check it out.<br /><br /><a href="http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/">Is your pastor a serial bully?</a> A long checklist is available at Because It Matters blog. An excerpt:<br />•is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability<br />•has a deep-seated *contempt of clients* in contrast to his or her professed compassion<br />•is a *control freak* and has a *compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity<br />•displays a *compulsive need to criticise* whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence <br />• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water<br />•flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation<br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that explore the mechanism of spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html">Warning Signs</a> is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group. This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders: <br /><ul><li>Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability </li><li>no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry </li><li>unrealistic fears about the outside world </li><li>the leader always needing to be right. </li></ul>Some warning signs of cult followers: <br /><ul><li>Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution" </li><li>extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern </li><li>a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor</li><li>former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil </li><li>anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.</li></ul><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-characteristics.html">Barnabas Ministry </a>offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying. Some of the evaluation questions:<br />What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?<br />Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?<br />Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?<br />Do you see problems with the system?<br />Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?<br />Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?<br />Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html">On another page of Barnabas Ministry</a> , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/articles.html">Battered Sheep Ministries:</a> This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abuse.html">Abuse of Authority in the Church</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/bible_spiritual.html">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a>; <a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/checklist.html">Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies</a>? and many other great resources. <br /><br />For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. <a href="http://www.spiritual-research-network.com/abusequestionnaire.html">Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire </a>lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.<br /><br /><a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">Rest Ministries</a> Unfortunately, this site died when Geocities closed in October. This was a sad development. I have preserved some of what was there on <a href="http://oldrestministriesinfo.blogspot.com/">this link.</a> It's too bad the site disappeared, though, because the pages on<a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/manipul8.html"> manipulation </a>and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/9575/authorit.html">authoritarianism</a> were excellent. Ron Henzel <a href="http://midwestoutreach.org/blogs/losing-sight-of-the-lamb">is still around and writing on other topics</a>, but maybe he will post his great insights on spiritual abuse on another site and oblige those who profited from his analysis on spiritual abuse.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/a07.html#common">Voices from the Fringe</a> is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see below in book section) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups: <br /><ul><li>An emphasis on spiritual experiences </li><li>An increased focus on the role of demons </li><li>A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs </li><li>A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness) </li><li>An unhealthy dependence on those in authority </li><li>Few checks and balances </li><li>Minimal leadership accountability </li><li>A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics </li></ul>Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with <a href="http://www.neirr.org/s7-aber2.html">Eight Signs </a>of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group: <br /><ul><li>Scripture twisting </li><li>Controlling leader or leadership </li><li>Separation or isolation of members </li><li>The chosen few (spiritual elitism) </li><li>Uniformity of lifestyle </li><li>No dissent </li><li>Traumatic departure </li><li>In transition (to a less healthy system)<br /></li></ul><a href="http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/aberrant.htm">Aberrant Christianity: What is it? </a>This web resource includes several beneficial articles and a case history (linked in the case history section of Provender). The articles draw on some dated material but are still relevant. One source is a chart or list of characteristics of cults, both theological and sociological. Among the sociological red flags are these:<br /><ul><li>Deceptive recruiting practices.</li><li>Dynamic and authoritarian leadership.</li><li>Elitism.</li><li>Alienation from family and friends.</li><li>Legalism.</li><li>Induced fatigue.</li><li>Sanction oriented.</li><li>Anti-intellectual.</li><li>Doctrine in flux/ false prophesies.</li><li>Mind control. </li></ul><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive.html">Abusive Churches</a> by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. A more readable version is <a href="http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/abuse-ch.html">HERE.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kashiashram.com/Manipulator.htm">A review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Captive-Hearts-Minds-Recovery-Relationships/dp/0897931440">Captive Hearts, Captive Minds </a>by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich includes some interesing headings: The Master Manipulator, Demystifying the Guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.micsem.org/pubs/counselor/frames/spiritabuse.htm">Spiritual Abuse</a> by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church. <br /><br /><a href="http://power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm">Narcissism in the Pulpit</a>, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) <br /><br />The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."<br /><br />Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...<br /><br />As long as we're talking psychology, another site mentions the covert-aggressive personality. Off a link at <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/">Under Much Grace </a>blog is <a href="http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-simons-tactics-of-manipulation.html">this article </a>from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.<br /><br />An Australian site called <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clare's Blog</a>: <a href="http://clergyabuseaustralia.org/blog/tag/spiritual-abuse/">Clergy Abuse Australia</a>, (also drawing on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. <br /><br />Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. <a href="http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2004/12/flattery_and_ou.html">This article from Wittenberg Gate </a>explores the danger of flattery. <br /><br />What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: <a href="http://www.ask.com/bar?q=spiritual+abuse&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualabuse.com%2Fdox%2Flibrary.htm">If your god is not God, fire him.</a> Highlights:<br />Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick: <br />The angry, abusive god <br />The abandoning god <br />The inattentive god <br />The impotent god<br />The shaming god<br /><br />This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called <a href="http://www.ccaa.net.au/documents/SpiritualAbuse.pdf">The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse </a>cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies. <br /><br />Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/">churchabuse.com</a>, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. <em><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_004.html">Divination - Is it Real or Fake?</a></em> shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.letusreason.org/culteac.htm">Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate:</a> Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged. <br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-13-profiling-persecutor.html">Con Artist Pastors?</a></strong> The Persecutors is a series on the African <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">Bereans blog </a>(see below in blog section). It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08846795192662155515">Chris Efinda </a>explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:<br />Con artists share these traits:<br /><ul><li>tend to be excellent conversationalists</li><li>exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith</li><li>are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence. </li><li>are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.</li><li>look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.</li><li>see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.</li><li>claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.</li><li>display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.</li><li>appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.</li><li>can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.</li><li>don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.</li><li>discredit their accusers when they are confronted.</li><li>cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.</li><li>are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.</li><li>have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.</li><li>are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.</li></ul>The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs. <br />Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:<br /><ul><li>Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.</li><li>Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.</li><li>Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.</li><li>Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor. </li><li>Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.</li><li>Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.</li><li>Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.</li><li>Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.</li><li>Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.</li><li>Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]</li></ul>When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.<br />There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.” <br /><strong>Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.</strong> <br /><br />Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.<br />The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]<br /><br />Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform</a> listed on the web site <a href="http://www.refocus.org/singerne.htm">Refocus</a>. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/authority.html">When has Authority Gone Too Far?</a> This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority: <br /><ul><li>The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word </li><li>The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you" </li><li>The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things </li><li>There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct </li><li>There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support </li><li>A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it </li><li>There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed" </li><li>There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe" </li><li>There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word </li><li>There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged) </li><li>There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.</li></ul>Unfortunately, not always open to public view <a href="http://www.factnet.org/vbforum/showthread.php?t=12253">Characteristics of a Sociopath,</a> quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/01/characteristics-of-sociopath.html">Tales from the Crypt</a>. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers. <br />Also, on that site was this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders: <br /><ul><li>a) They aren’t like that all the time </li><li>b) They are only like that with you</li><li>c) They didn’t really mean it </li><li>d) You don’t really understand them </li><li>e) You are just being difficult</li><li>f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)</li><li>g) That’s just the way they are </li><li>h) They are just very passionate about their work </li></ul>From the same site, an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called <a href="http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/2009/05/human-chameleons-and-brain-plasticity.html">Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. </a>Some examples:<br /><ul><li>will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas </li><li>is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment </li><li>gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict</li><li>once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction </li><li>revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress</li><li>when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish </li><li>is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers </li><li>is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath </li></ul>Another site on sociopathic pastors is this from <a href="http://www.kinnon.tv/leadership/">kinnon.tv: Leadership</a>. Kinnon draws on several sources to examine what happens when leaders, especially church leaders, with sociopathic tendencies, rise to positions of authority. Sample quote: <em>I live in shock at the apparent lack of fear of a just God, when I read the fountain of words that some supposed leaders are willing to spew to cover their own misdeeds.</em> Good analysis, and he concludes with the observation that these types are wolves in sheep's clothing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="color: #ffcc33;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Resources that focus on the spiritual side of abuse</span>:</span></span><br /><a href="http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/bible-abuse.htm">The Bible and Spiritual Abuse</a> is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/biblestudy/antidotes-to-spiritual-abuse/">Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse</a> This site offers a list of common statements found in spiritually abusive groups and confronts each of them with a scripture or two very apt for rebuttal. A nice, clearly organized post.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.spiritualabuse.org/articles.html#touchnot">Stop Spiritual Abuse </a>contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems.<a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm"> </a>Are pastors more anointed? <a href="http://www.gospelassemblyfree.com/facts/anointed.htm">This article by John R. Anderson </a>corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Christians criticizing Christians</a>: <a href="http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/cri/cri-jrnl/web/crj0117a.html">Is it biblical?; </a><a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse3.html">Unlimited authority</a> from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/6312/abuse4.html">Beyond Accountibility </a>from the same author; and a whole lot of others. <br /><br />Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/?p=646">Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership</a>, by Kevin Johnson on a site called <a href="http://www.prophezei.com/">Prophezei</a>, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.<br /><br />If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive?<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/but-god-is-working-through-our-church-a9.html"> This article </a>from<a href="http://www.truthguard.com/"> truthguard.com </a>points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> site chronicles the particular abuse pertaining to Reformed Baptists. In this group, elders sometimes pit spouses against each other to make the "rebellious" one submit to the leadership. The interference by church leaders into the marriage relationship is horrendous. Some of the spiritual advice on this site -- although tailored to Reformed Baptists -- is helpful for other groups as well.<br /><br />Also from <a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/index.html">Wicked Shepherds</a> is this article entitled: <em><a href="http://www.wickedshepherds.com/whenshouldachristianleaveachurch.html">When Should a Christian Leave a Church?</a></em> Again, this analysis is tailored to Reformed Baptists, but many points in the article could apply to people in other groups as well. Some excerpts:<br /><br /> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em>There are only two options for you if you are sitting under a ministry like that ... One, you can stay in that church. However, you will have to shut up and obey the "duly authorized eldership" and totally dry up spiritually. You will be sinning against Christ by allowing your pastor to be the Lord of your conscience -- and believe me, that is a grave sin! </em></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em> If you stay under such a ministry very long you cannot help but yield your conscience to the leader.</em></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em> However, the moment you do that you will begin to live in fear of that leader and his authority over your soul. When you reach that point, you are actually part of a cult and you have totally given up your true liberty in Christ. You will be afraid to even think for yourself, let alone speak and act that way.</em></strong></span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em> Unfortunately, there are some churches that actually demand that kind of submission from you in order for you to be a member in their church, or cult, as the case may be.</em></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em> They will bounce you in and out of membership according to your "rebellion" (questioning anything the elder says or does) or "repentance" (treating the pastor like a pope). Some poor souls have been in and out of church membership many times at the whim of the preacher. </em></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong><em> These kind of churches use the office of elder and deacon as a carrot stick to award the "really loyal devotees." </em></strong></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.deceptioninthechurch.com/attacking.html">Attacking Men of God?</a> is an article listing the main arguments of abusive leaders when they are under attack. If you have ever questioned an abusive leader, you have probably already heard these questions, as they turn the tables against you. <br /><br /><a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_checkson_powerand_authority_newtestament_en0302.htm">Accountability in the Bible</a> Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone. How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? <br /><br />This site from <a href="http://icsahome.com/default.asp">ICSA</a> (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work bu the same author is this one on <a href="http://icsahome.com/infoserv_articles/bussell_harold_whyevangelicalsvulnerable.htm">why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.</a><br /><br /><a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/?page_id=88">Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection?</a> This site, part of a larger site called <a href="http://coveringandauthority.com/">Covering and Authority</a>, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.<br /><br />A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse <a href="http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-3.htm">I Peter 5:3</a>: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1070&print=1">If you don't like it, why don't you just leave? </a>This question is addressed by a group of former SGM members (SGM Survivors) who get that question frequently, as do many who point out spiritually abusive practices in other denominations or movements.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Resources that deal with recovery from spiritual abuse:</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_001.html">Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse</a>, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.batteredsheep.com/abusive_02.html">Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind</a> Also from Battered Sheep, this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for: <br /><ul><li>Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions? </li><li>Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control? </li><li>Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group? </li><li>Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones? </li><li>Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas? </li><li>Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience? </li><li>Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving? </li><li>Is there a high rate of burnout among the members? </li></ul>Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called <a href="http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=50&Itemid=7">Cult Awareness and Information Centre</a>. Some highlights: <br /><ul><li>flashbacks to cult life </li><li>disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it” </li><li>“Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person </li><li>difficulty concentrating </li><li>hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself </li><li>dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks </li><li>dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting </li><li>trouble holding down a job </li></ul><a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Kira Love Counseling</a> <a href="http://heartshealing.com/">Services</a> Kira, a former spiritual abuse victim and now a counselor, will provide counseling sessions, in some cases by telephone. <br />Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:<br /><br /><em>I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth.</em> You can find more information on her site linked above.<br /><br />Also at Barnabas Ministry is a<a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-healingblue.html"> book review </a>of Ken Blue's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0830816607?tag=thebarnabasmi-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0830816607&adid=016AXZ61VCZ40Z4EKGQT&">Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences</a>. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this: <br />The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113). <br /><br /><a href="http://jmm.absalom.biz/articles/8354.htm">Recovery from Spiritual Abuse</a> is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget: <br /><ul><li>Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. </li><li>All struggle spiritually, even leaders.</li><li>All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality). </li><li>All make mistakes, none is infallible. </li><li>All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.</li><li>All need each other - none is needless. </li><li>All have something to give and are valuable to God. </li><li>All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards. </li><li>All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses. </li><li>The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.</li></ul><a href="http://www.freechristians.com/spiritual_abuse.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">Freedom in Jesus</a> provides a <a href="http://www.freechristians.com/freedom_in_jesus.htm">12-step plan for recovery</a>, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.<br /><br />Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. <a href="http://www.churchabuse.com/articles/spiritual_abuse_articles/healing_spiritual_abuse_003.html">Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" </a>is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.<br /><br /><a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/characteristics-of-abused-and-wounded-christians/">Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians</a>, from <a href="http://restoringtheheart.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/a-closed-door-my-meeting-with-my-church-leaders/#comment-203">Restoring the Heart </a>blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.</a><br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best books on spiritual abuse:</span><br /><a href="http://recognizeheresy.com/default.aspx">The Heresy of Mind Control</a> is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To open the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page. For a nice, clear table of contents, you can take a preview on the <a href="http://freedom4captives.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/45-mind-control/">Freedom4captives site</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.apologeticsindex.org/716-churches-that-abuse-online-book">Churches that Abuse</a> This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults. <br /><br />Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse/dp/1556611609">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." <a href="http://www.barnabasministry.com/review-spsa.htm">This review </a>provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the <a href="http://jamesfive19.com/blog/?p=98">Can't Talk rule</a>. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist <a href="http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/3658/subtle.html">is here</a>. <br />Some highlights: <br />Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.” (p.73)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.philosophy-religion.org/criticism/toxicfaith.htm">This review</a> of the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240962058&sr=1-1">Toxic Faith</a> (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights. <br /><br />You can always find groups and individuals trying to benefit from the misfortunes of others and even on this topic you will find folks promoting products, techniques and teachings for sale to help you in one way or another. Even so, sometimes their materials are insightful.<br /><br />Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called <a href="http://www.slm.org/trtdigst/articles/abuse.html">Signs of Spiritual Abuse </a>are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful: <br /><ul><li>Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group </li><li>absolute authority of the leadership </li><li>No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body </li><li>Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members </li><li>Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders </li><li>Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline" </li><li>Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued </li><li>Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines </li><li>Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines </li><li>De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership </li><li>Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources </li><li>Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation </li><li>Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives </li><li>Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group </li><li>Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases </li><li>Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God </li><li>Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander </li><li>Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result </li><li>Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). </li></ul><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Not-Making-Margaret-Jones-PhD/dp/098014910X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1248993066&sr=8-2">Not of My Making</a> by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including those in two churches. The author's interview with Provender is <a href="http://pureprovender.blogspot.com/search?q=Not+of+my+making">here</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=hrdMD_ZoL8UC&lpg=PP1&dq=People%20of%20the%20Lie&pg=PA85">People of the Lie</a>, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse. <br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial; font-size: 130%;">Best blogs on spiritual abuse:</span><br />A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/">The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. </a>The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.<br /><br />Another blog with a panoply of resources <br /><a href="http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2009/03/summary-of-posts-defining-spiritual.html">Under Much Grace</a> is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it now lists clear links to good sources. Information in the sidebar is often even more engaging than information in the main posts. It is a must-read site. <br /><br />One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from <a href="http://thinkingaboutitall.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/spiritual-authority-weirdness/">Spiritual Authority Weirdness </a>on Thinking about it all blog: <em>Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.</em> That really is how it happens. You want to do the right thing but fall into the poisonous thing.<br /><br />From Set Free on <a href="http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2009/04/positive-side.html">What Really Matters blog </a>is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:<br /><ul><li>Greater compassion and empathy towards others </li><li>Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.) </li><li>Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.) </li><li>Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)</li><li>Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.) </li><li>Courage </li><li>Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)</li><li>Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!) </li><li>Sense of direction and purpose </li><li>Flexibility </li><li>Openness </li><li>Ability to show emotion </li><li>Ability to be yourself </li><li>Ability to find meaning in adversity </li><li>Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!) </li></ul>When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, <a href="http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/">Quivering Daughters blog </a>provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.<br /><br />A good blog on cult involvement is <a href="http://www.dallascult.com/index.php?page_id=272">VM Life Resources</a>. This one emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hear-God-Anymore-Dallas/dp/097766600X">I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult </a>that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.<br /><br />For something a little different, the <a href="http://www.thewartburgwatch.com/tww/blog/blog.html">Wartburg Watch</a> is a new site that chronicles spiritually abusive situations in churches, with an emphasis on warnings against bloggers. <br /><br />A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/">The Bereans </a>discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called <a href="http://chris-thebereans.blogspot.com/2009/09/defiance-pt-9-enablers-or-persecutors.html">The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense</a> looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa.<br /><br /><a href="http://ellenryancole.blogspot.com/">God and Family: Exploring the Dynamics of Family Cults</a> This site examines experiences of people who grew up in a family operating under the apparatus of spiritual abuse and other kinds of abuses. Though it is unique because it focuses not on church groups but family cults, it has excellent links and lists of spiritual abuse characteristics. In fact, it includes more of these spiritual abuse checklists or trait lists than I have seen before in one place. Well worth visiting.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaithinfoblog.com/">The Word on The Word of Faith.</a> This is somewhat dated, from 1991, but spiritual abuse doesn't change all that much, does it? <br /><br /><br /><a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a> is an interesting blog from Malaysia with keen understanding of injury to abusers and spiritual recovery.<br /><br /><span style="color: #ffcc33; font-family: arial;">VIDEO RESOURCES ON SPIRITUAL ABUSE</span><br /><a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">These links are to video presentations </a>by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764201379/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1556611609&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0KP8VHEBN9H53BKMZJSA">The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse</a>. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the <a href="http://www.nacronline.com/video-workshops">National Association for Christian Recovery</a> site. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.mikeadkins.com/article/spiritual-abuse-what-are-the-signs-27/">Silly Women:</a> This is more audio than visual, but a different take on women victims of spiritual abusers - abusers who creep into houses and take silly women captive through spiritually abusive practices.<br /><br /><a href="http://thewordonthewordoffaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/toxic-faith-surviving-spiritual-abuse/">Toxic Faith: Surviving Spiritual Abuse</a>. Dr. Stephen Arteburn provides a 2-part series on spiritual abuse on the blogexpreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-40621382389634244182009-12-12T10:24:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.903-07:00Newspaper in California covers spiritual abuseThe Sacramento Bee, a major California newspaper, <a href="http://www.sacbee.com/religion/story/2387154.html">examined the issue of spiritual abuse</a> in a story titled <a href="http://www.sacbee.com/religion/story/2387154.html"><em>Some Sacramento-area faithful turn backs on pastors</em>, <em>'spiritual abuse'</em></a> published today. At least 20 pages of comments followed the story, some revealing other incidents of abuse.<br /><br />Spiritual abuse is a topic that churches neglect and that secular sources often don't care about or understand.<br /><br />It is a hopeful development for a major media source like the Bee to take notice and investigate this issue. Spiritual abuse devastates families, destroys faith, hurts other churches that are tainted by neighboring church mistreatment and scandal, and leaves a lot of people disillusioned and lost.<br /><br />The Bee should be commended for covering the topic. I hope this story opens up an interest by other media. Once the practice is in the open, it may be that churches, most of which are healthy and non-abusive, will stop being afraid to broach the subject, so that church-goers will be prepared if they should ever come across signs of abuse.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-5215998370889950162009-11-23T18:30:00.000-08:002013-03-18T09:17:06.993-07:00The importance of sharing abusive church experiencesI found these comments on a site called <a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">Messy Christian</a>, and they make a lot of sense. On a post called <a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=599">The Loveliness of God Amidst Pain</a> the blogger writes: <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When it comes to people who’ve been spiritually abused/been through a bad church experience, it really helps if we talk about what has happened. It’s an act of affirmation; when you listen without interrupting with platitudes like “You must forgive” or scold her for her sharing, you’re indirectly saying: “I share your pain, I allow you to feel them.”<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kari said something that I totally relate to: “It really helps to talk to someone who has been there. They at least understand where you’re coming from.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Messy Christian is right. People who haven't gone through spiritual abuse try to find good on both sides and bad on both. They can't see a church leader acting out of pure evil or being sociopathic or narcissistic. If you haven't run across such a leader before, it makes sense that you expect a little error here or a problem there. The trouble is, when you start loading blame on innocents because you assume there must be some fault there, it adds to the suffering and helps nothing. <a href="http://messychristian.com/?cat=31">Messy Christian</a> also writes:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The things that happened! If I told you the full sordid details of what we both went through, your toes will curl! [Or maybe not, knowing how prevalent stories like ours are, sadly.]</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yet, we still smile and laugh despite these painful memories. And most amazingly, despite having given up on the once-pristine vision of the church and her people, our love for God has increased.</span><br /><br />This is a hopeful message. Too often you see people soured not only on church but on the loving Savior also. You understand their hurt and their revulsion for anything of their previous life, but it's painful to see them give up on the one great physician when they are in such need of healing. <br /><br />On <a href="http://messychristian.com/?p=601">another post</a>, Messy Christian writes: <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s such a “top secret”, “underground” subject in Christian circles that those who’ve been spiritually abused have nowhere to go - unless they’re pointed at the right direction. </span><br /><br />That is a very apt characterization. Top secret. Underground. Churches DON'T talk about spiritual abuse. Maybe they don't want members falsely diagnosing spiritual abuse where there isn't any. Whatever the cause, it's a sad reality that those most in need of information have few resources in the church to discover it.<br /><br />Thanks, <a href="http://messychristian.com/?cat=31">Messy Christian</a>, for your words of hope!<br /><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span>expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-473173036726727018.post-36201765282312277772009-10-06T10:24:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:17:07.086-07:00Spiritually abused woman in needLeonna Obbrace commented on a blog post once and I have since spoken with her by instant messaging. Her situation - being on an island where the churches and government work together in a corrupt fashion, where sexual harrassment in her church was expected and excused, where someone like Leonna can object to sin and be blacklisted from all churches on the island and suddenly find herself shunned and out of work and unable to find employment - is appalling.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am publishing her comments in a more prominent place on the blog so that those who care to pray for her situation can do so. I asked how else people could help and she mentioned contacting your denominational headquarters. Most people who come to this blog have either left a church, though, or are considering leaving a church. Contacting denominational headquarters of an abusive church may not help. In any case, you can pray and to show support, you can email Leonna at<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="mailto:leona.obbrace@yahoo.com">leona.obbrace@yahoo.com</a><br /><br /><br /><br />Leonna has a great faith in God and has endured patiently more than many believers will ever face.<br /><br /><br /><br />Here are her earlier comments:<br /><br /><br /><br />I attended BFM where the pastor is Dr. Myles Munroe for over 15 years. I worked there for the last 2 years. I think my situation is different here corruption is endemic & justice rare. People protect their leaders. Leaving the church did not solve the problem. It is a small community.The members have friends, money & influence everywhere. Myles is a member of the Hospital Authority Board. I am not welcomed in any church.<br /><br />He was the first TBN.<br /><br /><br /><br />I was in love with & proud of my church.<br /><br /><br /><br />The first criticism against me was that I did not dance vigorously enough in worship service. I had to put my foot down & tell them I was not dancing for them, I was praising God.<br /><br /><br /><br />The message from Myles talked of my being accepted & valuable. Whiles I was volunteering behind the scenes I ignored the groping that went on between unmarried men & women.<br /><br /><br /><br />The pressure was constant to give into these men. I was troubled by this.<br /><br /><br /><br />I asked questions about the money that was donated every year. I kept stating what the bible said whenever Myles said something contradictory.He called those who excelled in business ‘higher quality people’. That infuriated me!<br /><br /><br /><br />Everyone got angry with me, they wanted to think they were getting ‘new revelation’ as Gods’ chosen people. I was told angrily that Myles was the leader.<br /><br /><br /><br />I started working with some school girls , I became very upset with the married men who began touching them. I reported it but Myles preached men needed sex like a car needed gas, it was not merely something they wanted. If a married man looked outside the home you have to check with the wife because she is not satisfying him. I was their supervisor they were told to complain about me & not to do what I asked. All the pastors began throwing remarks at me. Whiles I was working in the sanctuary they heckled me.<br /><br /><br /><br />They spread the message I was a lesbian & that is why I was celibate. They brought in a psychologist to walk through the building & tell them that I was mentally retarded that was why I did not have a mature relationship.<br /><br /><br /><br />Pastor Debbie Bartlette slapped me when I went up for prayers. I started to fall apart emotionally. When I went home I tried to commit suicide. Debbie was standing there when the ambulance arrived. The same lies were spread at the hospital to explain why I tried to kill myself. I felt God had abandoned me.<br /><br /><br /><br />The story is today that I fought against pastor Myles. That I am therefore cursed. I heard he has said I will die on the streets. I have been homeless twice. I have been harassed off jobs with similar treatment that I got at BFM. I have been harassed out of efficiencies & my families’ homes.<br /><br /><br /><br />The police surrounded me when I was trying to ask for help to get something to eat one evening & one threatened to shoot me if resisted arrest for soliciting. He said by doing so he would solve Myles problems.<br /><br /><br /><br />Two years after trying to take a landlord to court after going through the same ridiculous treatment repeatedly; meeting the room door open, my clothes cut up, belongings missing; the police picked me up a week before the trial to carry me to the hospital to verify me as a mental patient. The doctor asked if I thought people who did not believe like me were going to hell. They carried me there saying I had a visit from a nurse who used to give me a shot & I beat her up. They said I was violent. This never happened. The landlords’ daughter is a member of BFM.<br /><br /><br /><br />I could not get one lawyer nor the man from amnesty to help me. When I was on the street the police walked around telling people I was a prostitute. Now they tell people I have not worked for 3 years because I do not want to work. So the story is I’m a lazy woman. I have been described on the talk shows so people could be warned about giving me money to help me. I know or have met most of the talk show personalities. It is a small island.<br /><br /><br /><br />This community depends on pastors for references for jobs, especially government jobs ;letters to banks for approval for loans & pastors help offenders of serious crimes to get their records expunged. They are known to be corrupt but since calvinism what most people adhere to in this very immoral society this only serves to make the drug pusher, liars & sexually immoral comfortable in their sins. Therefore most still regard all who are religious leaders as Gods' anointed & it is wrong to 'touch' them. Every single pastor I've talked to have told me that my problems will go away once I forgive Myles, refuse to say anything negative about him & go back & submit. "God will lift you up & deliver you", they say.<br /><br /><br /><br />I was feeling sort of shaky & your info & others that I've found on the web has strengthened me. I only use to see sites about cults.expreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13339700142550461194noreply@blogger.com0